Last Friday.

 

 

 

 

Last Friday was the first day I felt like this is where I needed to be.

 

I went to my Drawing class as usual. I forced myself out of bed and walked over to the art building. I set my supplies down and sat in my metal stool. I wasn't very excited for class, if I'm honest. I was tired and just wanted to crawl back in bed. My professor walked in, greeted us, then said we weren't going to be drawing boxes anymore. (We've been drawing boxes for two weeks and were all so sick of it.) We were told to grab our things and find a place outside to sit and draw whatever was in front of us. We haven't really had any artistic freedom in Drawing so far, we've been doing a lot of practices and basic skill drawings. I was pretty excited and walked outside with my class. I walked down some concrete stairs and found a metal table and chairs. I sat down and began drawing.

 

Two hours. Two hours I sat at the little metal table and drew. I don't think I've ever been as focused on a drawing as I was on the one above. Despite all the people that walked by, I stayed focused on my subject. I had this overwhelming feeling that this is where I needed to be. I felt at home. The time flew by, it didn't even feel like two hours. My professor looked up and gave me a five minute warning, I was like, "what?" It felt like I had only been sitting there for five minutes.

 

All in all, I just felt so peaceful. The picture above is where I sat for two hours. There are days here that I feel like I don't belong, but I'm trying to hold to that Friday. This is where I need to be at this time in my life.

 



September 11th.

There has been quite a lot on my mind lately. I started college, I've been studying for quizzes and trying to finish up art projects. I looked at my calendar last night and realized that 9/11  is today. I sat and thought for a while. I couldn't believe it's already been 13 years.

I was five years old on September 11, 2001. I don't remember a play by play of the day, I was too young to comprehend anything about the events that were happening around me. I have faint memories of the knowledge that something was happening. I'm sure I was painting or playing with toys in class when the news broke. I also have a faint memory of leaving school early, again, not knowing why. I remember sitting in our living room coloring while the TV was on. I do have vivid memories of seeing the planes crash on the TV. Again, having a 5-year-old mind I really didn't get what was happening and I went back to coloring.

School went on as normal in the following weeks. I remember, so clearly, one day we were each assigned a color to wear for a picture we were going to take. The colors were red, white, and blue. I believe I was assigned white. I remember my mom coming to school with a white shirt on as well. I think my friend Shelby had white on, too. I remember so vividly heading outside in the parking lot to take the picture. I remember it being an extremely sunny day. I remember holding the hands of Shelby and my mom. I remember laughing a lot and seeing everyone smile. We were assembled in rows. I looked up at a man on a cherry-picker thing with a camera. He snapped the picture. We all got the picture back a little while later. We were formed into a giant American flag. My favorite thing about the picture was that our rows weren't straight, there were gaps, and those imperfections just showed the innocence of all of the kids at our school. Most of us younger kids didn't know what was going on, but we were all happy to be together and make this beautiful picture. We were smiling, holding hands, we were just, together. I miss that childlike innocence, especially in a time like that. It was such a beautiful memory and I'm so happy that I was a part of it and can remember it vividly. Even though I still was unsure about all that was happening around me. We were together in that moment and that's all that mattered.

I still have the picture, and am absolutely gutted that I can't put it in this post right now. (I'm currently at school and my box of pictures is at home.) I also remember singing patriotic songs throughout elementary school. Everyone was so passionate about our country. We did so many patriotic inspired plays and things. I am incredibly saddened that I feel like that sense of pride in our country has faded over the years.

It wasn't until years later that I realized what had happened that late summer day. Every year in elementary school and a little in middle school we would watch something on TV about it, draw pictures or color something in memory of the event. In high school we always had a longer moment of silence and things along those lines. I couldn't believe that had actually happened. I had been alive when that happened.

Now that I'm in college, I can somewhat imagine what people must've been feeling the day it happened. People who weren't 5-year-olds playing with toys oblivious to everything, those who were frightened and confused. I actually take back my first sentence in this paragraph, I can't imagine how people were feeling. I can't imagine being a teacher and having to explain what was happening or to put on a happy face to not worry the students. I am so thankful for my kindergarten teacher for making sure we didn't know what was going on and got us all home safely. I am thankful for the people in my school and community who came together and showed me that we were strong and connected, even in the wake of a tragedy. I am thankful for parents who, even though we had the TV on, didn't make it the topic of conversation that would possibly worry my sister and me. I am just so thankful for the overwhelming outpouring of strength and unity that my town displayed after the event, even though don't live that close to New York. I remember it so vividly. I know I'm overusing that word, but it's the only word that seems to describe the memories.

We will never forget. No matter how many years pass, how many people try to erase it from their memory, no matter how many people make up ridiculous theories about what happened, it did happen and we cannot let it slip from memory. It was the day our country nearly fell apart but then immediately glued back together. No matter what you think about this country, its leaders, anything, we need to scrap all of those sour feelings and remember this day. Pray for those who lives were forever changed by this event. Pray for our country and our people. Pray for everyone. Just spend some time in thought. Even a couple minutes of reflection is better than none at all.

Always in our hearts.

________

I always  like to incorporate music into blog posts, whether it's listening to something as I write or including music that I feel goes along with the post. Here are some songs that came to mind while writing.

 I know some seem very random, they are just songs that reminded me of that time, what was going on in my life at the time, and other songs that are just comforting to listen to.

1. By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North
2. You've Got a Friend in Me by Randy Newman
3. Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning) by Alan Jackson
4. New York, New York by Frank Sinatra
5. Have You Forgotten? By Darryl Worley
6. Something to Be Proud Of by Montgomery Gentry
7. God Bless the USA by Lee Greenwood
8. For These Times by Martina McBride
9. In God We Still Trust by Diamond Rio
10. Been Here All Along by Hannah Montana

I remember listening to 3-9 growing up, we always had country radio on.

I'm sorry if this post is not the most organized. There are a lot of emotions flooding back now and I really needed to write them out.

<3
Rachel