I was driving home from college, and I decided to drive by my old high school. I usually take a different route, but every once in a while I drive by the school just for a change of scenery.
I turned off a back road, onto an even smaller back road. I drove past a couple barns and fields. Not really thinking much of anything. The CD I was listening to ended to I turned on the radio. "You're Gonna Miss This" by Trace Adkins was on. A smile instantly spread across my face. This song was used on our senior video and it always makes me feel nostalgic. I turned onto the road that my high school is on. I looked over at that brick building while Trace Adkins sang the chorus. You're gonna miss this. You're gonna want this back. You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast. I wanted to stare longer. I continued driving and saw the middle school girls practicing softball. I drove a little further and saw the high school guys practice baseball. I saw the sidewalk that I hated for so many years because of all the times I had to run on it. And also the time that I fell down and I was so behind everyone that no one saw me and I had to finish my mile with a bloody knee. Everything started flooding back so fast. I pulled up to the stop sign and waited to pull out on the highway. I saw the train. That infamous train. I remembered all the times I had to sit and wait for that dang train to pass so I could go home. I saw stupidly big trucks with rebel flags adorning them. I thought of all the times we traveled on the highway to go to tennis practice and matches. I remembered my sister taking me and our friends home from school. These memories started flooding back so fast that if I wasn't driving, I probably would've burst into tears.
Greenbrier is my home.
I remember how much I hated coming to school everyday because I felt like I lived the farthest from school than anybody I knew. It took me 15 minutes to get to school. It took everyone else about 5 minutes. That fact alone made me feel like an outsider. I remember when I got rezoned to White House. I remember getting the envelope in the mail giving me the choice between Greenbrier and White House. I couldn't do it. I didn't want to leave Greenbrier.
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| Josh & I being the coolest kids in the world. |
Freshman year I remember seeing all these kids walking around the white halls. Everyone seemed so big and I was so freaked out. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. I didn't know anybody. My sister was supposed to be here somewhere but I couldn't find her. I'm sure my face looked like someone just told me a secret I didn't want to hear. I was terrified. I wasn't the most social person. I joined a little group called SGA, mainly because my sister's best friend was in it and she asked me to join. I became a part of SGA. I credit those first 2 years in that organization for making me feel connected to high school. I felt like I was making a difference. I decorated for dances, we went on trips, I can't count how many times I laughed so hard that I cried. There were also plenty of stressful tears. I still think of the night I had to glue hundreds of tissue paper squares to a sheet of paper the length of a hallway, just for it to be thrown away because we didn't need it anymore. I have so many good memories from those years. I could write books about all of them. I still crack up thinking about some of the things that happened. And all of the bonds that were made those first two years I was in the organization. I miss it and the others that were in it every single day. I would still do anything for those people. There's a little piece of my heart with a collage of their faces on it.
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| Winter Retreat Sophomore year, definitely a highlight. |
Sophomore year was not a good year. I'll just say that now. I don't even like touching on it. I lost contact with a lot of friends due to things I couldn't control and didn't realize was going on. I felt really alone. I still had plenty of friends. I had people I could've talked to but I didn't. I kept to myself. I always told myself to stay true to myself, but I felt like I was the problem. Like, I was driving these people away. Who I am was what was wrong. I was emotionally drained and felt like my world was falling apart. My breaking point was one day at tennis practice when we were all joking around like usual but for some reason I took the jokes personally and started crying. I didn't know what was wrong. I felt like my life was going nowhere. I don't even know how these feelings started bubbling up. I was only 16. It was a dark time. I wouldn't wish that rock bottom feeling on anyone. Many of these feelings and worries bled into junior year. I started panicking about lots of things I had no control over. I'd hold it in as long as I could until I just burst into tears again. I remember it happened in the middle of class one day. We were having a party and I just couldn't clear my thoughts. My teacher took me outside to talk and I am forever thankful for that moment. It was one of the first times in high school I felt like a teacher truly cared about me and how I was feeling. Two of them did everything they could to make me feel better. They even prayed with me. I never knew the lengths a teacher would go to just to make sure I was okay. That was a big turning point in my life. Someone showing me so much love even though I was acting ridiculous was just, I can't explain the feeling. It was like God saying, "you are loved and you are going to be okay."
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| One of the best nights of my life. |
I credit senior year to being the biggest turning point of my life. I can actually pinpoint the exact date. It's soon to be the 2 year anniversary of our class's Prom Fashion Show. We had to go to Dillard's to get dresses. I was nervous because I was with all of the "cool" girls and I felt like I was so below them on every single level. I had to walk around and smile in this dress. I didn't think anybody knew me. I went through most of high school feeling like I was a throwaway person. I was afraid that if I walked out everyone would be silent and wonder who I was. I stood backstage with all of those other girls in my grade. All of these levels of hierarchy that I had internalized fizzled away. All of these "cool" girls were nervous. They were all freaking out. We were like this little girl army who just wanted to do a good job. I didn't feel like a throwaway anymore. We were all one. I walked out to do my solo. People cheered. I was in shock. I looked at both sides of the stage and saw my classmates peeking their heads behind the curtain smiling. I have never in my life been in such a supportive group of individuals. We all were cheering each other on. It was such a beautiful experience.
I remember people saying, "I can't wait to get out of this stupid town." It's something we all seemed to say once junior year hit. We wanted to start lives and move on from the little town we all grew up in. I was guilty of saying it, too. I wanted to get out and experience something outside of this country upbringing that I was so used to. I wanted to move onto something bigger and better.
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| Pure joy. Getting to walk with 2 of my childhood friends was such a blessing. |
Graduation came. I walked behind the football field to go to my line. All the girls dressed in white gowns and the guys in green. Seeing all these faces that I've known since middle school, and then the ones that I've known since I was 5. I love all my Greenbrier friends, but I have a special place in my heart for my Watauga friends. We all kind of stuck together when we went to Greenbrier, even if we didn't stay close friends throughout our high school years. I felt this unspoken, "I still am here for you" thing between us. Thankfully, I got to stand in between two of these Watauga people. That moment will forever be my favorite memory from graduation. The commencement was over. We threw our caps to the sky.
It was all over. This crazy ride had ended. There was no more hearing Sorrells yell "Greenbrier High Scoooooo!" during pep rallies. No more screaming because there was a cockroach in the bathroom. (Still freaky, but I kinda miss it.) There were no more yearbooks. There were no more funnel cakes or cookie snowmen in cooking class. No more Friday night football games. No more staying after school late into the night to decorate for dances. No more pre-Sonic runs before tennis. No more having to get some senior guy to cut the lock someone accidentally put on your locker. There was no more Dickerson magic tricks. No more push-ups in Miranda's room. No more chicken nugget day. (This one makes me the saddest.)
I had finally gotten what we always wished for, to "get out of this stupid town." I got to experience life somewhere else. I go to school an hour away from home. I am surrounded by the most beautiful, influential, diverse group of people I've ever been around. My world has opened up a lot since high school. Meeting people from different states and cities is exciting. Growing up knowing everyone around you is a comfort that is hard to get away from. It's taken me a couple years but I've gotten used to it. I love being where I am. I love the friends I've made. I could talk about my friends all day. They are all so beautiful and I try to tell them as much as I can. I advise you to do that, too. Let people now you love and appreciate them. That's something I never did in high school. I was afraid to tell people anything, especially how I felt towards them.
That's one thing that was positive about leaving Greenbrier. My world view opened. I noticed how big the world was. I found who I was. I've felt truly happy for the first time in a long time. I've met so many influential people in college that have helped form me into who I am right now.
Leaving this little town I grew up in made me appreciate it more. I know there are still people in this town that I can go to if I need something, even if we haven't talked in a while. Like I mentioned before, there still seems to be this unspoken connection.
I know this seems like a roundabout way of saying all of this. How is this a love letter? Well, without all of these things happening I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't have known the care a teacher has for their students. I wouldn't have realized that high school cliques are just a cliche. I wouldn't have realized that sometimes people just need to grow apart for a while to grow back together. I realized how important it is to be yourself. This little town that often gets a bad rep and people always want to "get out of" is my home. There's a glow around this town that no other place I know has. It's warm. It's welcoming.
Once I turned down the little road, looked to the right, and saw that little brick building. I felt like it was telling me, "you are home, you will be alright."
I love this little town, and always will.
