2014, You Were Lovely.

I cannot believe that tomorrow is the last day of 2014. 

2014 has been the best, and most exciting year of my life so far. I've made so many memories. I've met so many new people. I've learned so much. And I've broken down so many walls I had been building up for years.

Instead of scrolling through a boatload of pictures, I decided to put together a little video of my year. Click below to see! :) And don't worry! If you'd like to read more, below is some little tid-bits and further details of my year. 

(I would reccommend enlarging the video, so you can see the pictures better, click the little box looking icon in the bottom right corner once you play the video!)

At the end of 2013, I had an overwhelming feeling of peace and comfort. I knew 2014 would be amazing. I was sitting on my couch in my footie pajamas, drinking sparkling juice and knowing in my heart that 2014 would be absolutely amazing. I looked through my journal earlier today and found my resolutions that I wrote on New Year's Eve last year. This is what I wrote:

• Get things done and don't procrastinate so much.
• Write down something that made you happy every day.
• Write/draw every day.
• Make someone smile every day.
• Be positive.
• Believe in yourself.
• Talk to people more.
• Be more active. 

The ones bolded are the things I accomplished. Six out of eight things I accomplished. That's huge. I am so amazed that I actually followed through.

Here are some of the things that happened/that I learned this year.

• I turned 18.
• I modeled in the prom fashion show and that's when my shell began to chip away.
• I got my ears pierced the same place my mom got her's pierced and I didn't even cry.
• My last tennis season of my high school career. ):
• I went to prom by myself, and even though I was upset at first, I had an amazing time. My shell was now just a transparent layer around me. I could finally see out, and see the world without feeling insecure about myself.
• I played my last tennis match of high school.
• One of my sweet friends brought me a cupcake on my last day of high school.
• My last high school lunch was pizza. Still wishing it coulda been chicken nuggets...
• I placed 1st in my last high school art fair.
• I had my graduation party and so many people showed up that I didn't expect would come and I was so happy.
• I got to walk with two of my childhood friends during graduation
• I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL HOLY MOLY. 
• My cousin Bobby graduated and I was so proud.
• Bobby, Baker, and I were together again for our traditional photo. (We've known each other since we were little kids, when we played baseball together.)
• I went to my great grandmother's house for a family reunion and we saw a snake while playing corn hole.
• I went to Michigan again and stayed in the most gorgeous hotel.
• I saw ONE DIRECTION IN CONCERT AND I'M STILL NOT OVER IT. IF YOU WATCH THE VIDEO YOU CAN SLIGHTLY HEAR ME TRYING TO SING A DUET WITH HARRY. I'm sure I was annoying everyone at that concert, but I needed my Mariah Carey moment.
• ONE DIRECTION YALL ONE DIRECTION. I've loved them for over three years now and I finally saw them this year. And I made a Harry tshirt and a girl yelled "HARRY'S HOT" at me on the streets of Nashville. 
• I moved into college and cried for two weeks. Not the happiest memory, but I needed that. 
• I attended my first college football game.
• I got my first A on a college paper.
• I participated in the "Gov Run" with my mom and sister.
• I finally visited The Hermitage after wanting to go for years. And I won an Andrew Jackson tshirt!
• I dressed as Wayne Campbell for Halloween. And it was awesome. I got told by a couple people that I seriously looked like Mike Myers. I'm not sure if that was a compliment or not.
• I finished my first semester of college with a 3.6 GPA. 
• My cousin, Jenni, brought a selfie stick to our Christmas gathering at my grandparent's and we took the most epic family photo.

And the one thing that sticks out the most about 2014 to me is this,

I came out of my shell and am no longer in that dark, insecure place I was. 

I remember being so scared to go makeup-free in public. I was worried what people thought of me. I cared more about what other people thought rather than what I thought. Those feelings fizzled away this year. I started seeing a confident girl in myself. I started seeing someone who was beautiful, someone who had a reason to be here, I started feeling more like myself in 2014. I still have my days, but I'm happy to say nearly all of them have been happy days.

I didn't mean to make this a long post, and I'm sorry it's going up so late. But I just wanted to say to you all, 

Be good to yourself. Love yourself. The good Lord is always watching and He's always there for you. Run to Him. Be kind to people. Love everyone. Bake a cake. Don't lose your inner child. Sing out loud. Cut a rug (figuratively or literally, make sure it's okay if you literally cut a rug though. Rugs can get expensive.) 

I hope you all have a very, very, very Happy New Year. And know that your little curly headed girl is here for you and is currently in bed waiting for That's So Raven to come on. 

Rachel xx

Oh! And here are some songs that I listen to every New Year's Eve. 

Auld Lang Syne - Frank Sinatra & Dean Martin (gets me so pumped)

What Are You Doing New Year's Eve? - Ella Fitzgerald (makes me want to slow dance)

Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Usually I'm a one exclamation point girl, but Christmas calls for multiple.

IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME Y'ALL CAN YOU BELIEVE IT. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I am so excited. 

I've been thinking for a while about what I should post for Christmas, and nothing came to mind. I don't even know what to write about Christmas. Well, actually I know a zillion things I could write, but it would be a never ending ramble and you'd probably get lost two paragraphs in. So, instead, I am just going to share with you a few of my favorite things about Christmas. 

Put on your Santa suit and pour yourself a cup of hot chocolate, we're talking CHRISTMAS.

Photos that I found that make me feel jolly. 

Here are One Direction. Looking very Christmasy for their SNL bumper photo. 

I couldn't really find a Christmas photo of Weird Al, so I chose this one of him in a Radio Shack commercial. There's snowflakes. Thus, festive. 

And to end this picture portion, here is a photo of Michael Jackson by a gingerbread house. I appreciate the work someone put into this. This is probably what my future house will look like, including the Michael picture.

That was fun. Now let's talk movies. 

My all-time favorite Christmas movie is Home Alone. Which is actually quite funny, I used to get upset when that movie came on. I couldn't stand it when I was younger. I had never watched it but still hated it. I finally watched it last year and fell in love with it. I love the music, the story line, the characters, everything is just amazing. It makes me feel so happy. Every time I hear the theme music come on, I do cartwheels in my head. (Because I can't do cartwheels in real life.) 

Another one of my favorites is The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause. I know some of you are thinking, "Omg why does she like the 3rd one? The first is the best." True. Very true. The first one always trumps the rest when it comes to movies. But I remember the 3rd one coming out and being excited for it and watching it a zillion times. That whole trilogy is amazing, but the 3rd one will always be my favorite. 

A Christmas Story is a classic. We always have it on Christmas Eve night and on Christmas morning while opening presents. It always gives me this overwhelming tingly feeling. It's like Christmas crawls inside me and shoots confetti canons out of my pores. That's the best way I can explain it to you. Even though that Santa scene where he pushes Ralphie down the slide freaks me out. If you haven't seen it, watch TBS on Christmas Eve, they do "24 hours of A Christmas Story" and it's amazing. 

This is the most quoted movie in our house around Christmas. I think my dad introduced me to this movie and I'm so glad he did. It is hilarious. I laugh just thinking about it. I honestly don't even know what to say about it. This is another movie whose theme music makes me excited. Just watch this movie if you get the chance. Even if it's not Christmas anymore, watch it. It's a bit more risque than the others on this list, but let's be honest, it stars Chevy Chase and is directed by John Hughes, you gotta expect some of that. The attic scene is my favorite. I could quote this to you all day long. Dad, you taught me everything I know about exterior illumination.

I don't think I even need an explanation for this movie. Elf. God bless Elf. 

Don't forget about TV Specials!

The SNL Christmas special/SNL Christmas skits are some of my favorites. I'm a huge fan of Saturday Night Live and watch the special every year. I just love when two of my favorite things combine and magic happens. "I leave out a glass of tap water, and rice. If Santa's anything like me, Christmas really wreaks havoc on the ol' digestive system." 

One of my favorite childhood memories is watching 25 Days of Christmas on ABC Family. I still watch it to this day and my favorite thing they show is the claymation Christmas specials. They bring back so many memories and I love watching them every year. I also love watching Charlie Brown and Frosty the Snowman. All of the older Christmas specials are a staple to me.

Although I love watching Christmas movies and specials, the events that go on throughout the month of December are what really make me feel that lovely love that Christmas brings. 

My church is very active during the holiday season. Something is going on every weekend and even during the week. I participate in multiple events during the month, including the Christmas Parade, Live Nativity, and the Christmas Eve Play. The parade is fun because you get to see all these people and children line up and everyone just seem so jovial. The Live Nativity is very humbling to be in. There are live animals and our church members adorned in costumes to show the community the sweet moment of Jesus' birth. The look on people's faces as they walk up is beautiful. They are so in awe and it's wonderful that we are able to spread that joy to people. My all-time favorite time of year is the Christmas Eve Service at church. I've been in it nearly every year since 2003 and it's always an exciting time. There is no place I'd rather be on Christmas Eve than in my little church, full of loving individuals. God's presence is especially heavy during this time at church, and it's just, so wondrously beautiful. It's impossible to put into words. 

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year. Remember to love everyone, smile a lot, eat even more, and remember the reason for the season. God bless you during this holiday season.

-Rachel xx

Things I've Learned (So Far) in My Freshmen Year of College.

Well, it happened. Today was my last day of classes. Goodness gracious. All I have left is a few exams and then I'm home for the holidays. :) 

I felt like I should write a little (well, not so little) post about the things I learned in my first semester of college. I hope it can either benefit you or just something to read to kill some time. 

A little disclaimer, these are just the things I've learned and noticed, this may not go for everyone. We're all at a different school, doing different activities, we both have different ways of living. This is just what your BFA in Studio Arts major learned her first semester of college.

1. Make time for Jesus.This was one thing I was worried about when entering college. When I was at home, I was so accustomed to reading my devotionals and my Bible everyday. College introduces many new temptations and other things that can take away from Jesus time. I didn't want to lose my faith while attending school, God gave me this opportunity for a reason and I want to let Him know I'm appreciative. I keep my Bible, my devotional book, a notebook, and a little pen beside my bed, so when I crawl in to sleep at night, I can grab it and read before I go to sleep. I also started praying before class started, during class, on the way to class. I tell myself to pray all the time. Especially when I'm worried, stressed, or just need a little light in my day. Talking to Him for five minutes is better than not talking to Him at all. I also surrounded my desk and wall with Bible verses and things, just for something to look at when I'm studying or as I'm about to fall asleep. I've found it really helpful as well to download a Bible App on my phone. The one I have now is called "Bible" (the little icon for it is a little brown book with a riboon with the words "Holy Bible" on the front). I really like it because it has "Verse of the Day" every single day, and you can look up any verse you want. It's really handy if you don't have your physical Bible around and just need a quick pick-me-up.

2. The "cool kids" aren't necessarily the "cool kids."There were multiple groups of people that I wanted to hangout with. They always were eating together, having bonfires together, calling each other, all of this stuff. I felt like I didn't have many friends, so I wanted to be a part of that group. Long story short, these people ended up being people I probably shouldn't be hanging around with, and I'm glad I didn't. I watched "Can't Buy Me Love" the other day, and even though that movie is a bit more exaggerated than my situation, it still shone the light on what really mattered. Surrounding yourself with people that make you feel wanted because they like you, not because they seem "cool to be around."

3. Surround yourself with positive people.I have met many a people in college that did not have a positive impact on me. Thankfully, I met some new friends that continuously make me laugh and feel good about myself. College is hard enough as it is, don't make it even worse with being around people who make you feel insignificant.

4. Hold doors open for people.This simple gesture can make someone's day. There have been plenty times where I have been stressed out and feeling awful then someone holds a door open for you. It's an instant "renewed faith in humanity" feeling. There are nice people out there, you just have to look. Also, hold the door open for people. I know how good it makes me feel to have someone hold a door open for me, and I am more than happy to give that feeling back to someone. It doesn't cost anything to be nice to people.

5. Buy those gummy bears to reward yourself.One of my favorite things to do is go in the food court and buy myself the little boxes of candy they sell. I always do this after a big test, after I've had a stressful day, or even on a Friday as a "good job! you got through another week!" Reward yourself. Do something that makes you happy. It doesn't have to be buying candy, it can be watching your favorite TV show or coloring in a coloring book. Just be good to yourself.

6. Always call your professor "Dr. or Professor" until they tell you otherwise.
It all comes down to being respectful. Most of my classes are art courses, and most of the art department is on a first name basis. It isn't uncommon to hear "Hey Billy!" in my class, because he said it was okay for us to call him by his first name. But until they say, "hey just call me by my first name," always say "professor or doctor." It shows that you respect them.

7. Not attending every single football game doesn't make you "unsocial."
I am a quiet person. I'm not the type who wants to go out every night and attend every event and be Miss Social Butterfly. Being those people are completely fine, but that isn't me. I've had more fun times just going to my friend's dorm and eating food rather than going to every social event possible. That doesn't make me "unsocial." I do what's best for myself and you do what's best for you.

8. Leggings are heaven-sent.
I was that girl in high school who was like "ew leggings gross why don't you just wear jeans." This is my formal apology. Leggings are like pajamas you can wear in public and still be socially acceptable. I have worn them more this semester than I ever have in my life. Darn you stretchy nylon or whatever you're made of.

9. Don't procrastinate.
It may be okay in high school to stay up the night before and write that paper, but it will not fly in college. You may be able to do it, but it just causes unneeded stress and heartbreak. Professors aren't as lenient as high school teachers. If it's late, it's late. You get marked down a letter grade or a certain number of points. College work, especially papers, involve so much more work and preparation than high school papers. Just do it before it's due. Trust me, I can't tell you how many projects I did the night before it was due in high school. (It was an embarrassing amount, it wasn't every project but a handful, and I regret it now. If any of my old teachers are reading this. I am so sorry.) GET STUFF DONE EARLY. It'll feel like a weight has been lifted, and you'll have time to go back and check your work to make sure it's up to par. Then go buy yourself some gummy bears, you rockstar.

10. Bring shower shoes.
Just read that over and over. I don't need to explain further.

11. Call/text other friends that are in college and see how they're doing.
It's comforting to know there are other people who are going through the same thing you are. Reach out to someone and have a conversation. There have been many times where I just needed to talk to someone who was in the same situation as me. It made me feel better that I wasn't the only one in a new setting. Talk to old friends, keep in touch.

12. Get the required items for class.
I can't tell you how many times that my Drawing professor has asked me, "is this gray charcoal?" when I was supposed to be using black. This goes especially for art students, pay attention to what you buy. Read labels. Know that gray charcoal isn't going to magically turn black over the semester. Thankfully my professor just laughed it off and it didn't count me off any points for it. But always make sure you have the required materials so class will go smoother.

13. Incorporate some type of healthy food into your diet.
It's hard to eat healthy in college. It's a lot easier to walk into the burger place and pick up a sandwich and walk out. I'm not saying this is a bad thing, it's pretty convenient when you have to study or have to run to a class. But try to make time to eat in the cafeteria, there are some healthy options in there, and eating a warm meal can brighten your spirits. Sitting down and taking a breather is good for you. But if you are running late, there are healthier options you can pick up and go. There are fruit cups, baked chips, yogurt, and other healthier options you can pick from. Eating healthier things make your mind and body feel good, and that's immensely important in college.  

14. When assignments are due, they are due. 
You know how in high school if you forgot your binder at home with your homework in it, your teacher would let it slide? Well, I hate to break it to ya but it's not that easy in college. Due dates are due dates. If your professor tells you something is due on a Monday at 8am, it's due on Monday at 8am. Just turn in your work on time. There have been a couple professors that accept late work, but you don't have a chance to get a full grade, or you have to have a extremely valid reason that you weren't able to turn it in. It's better to avoid having to deal with either of those things, so pull up your big boy pants and turn in your assignments. 

15. Attend class.
It seems simple enough, but there are going to be times when you rather sleep four more hours than wake up for class. Go. To. Class. I know it stinks, but you'll do much better in your classes if you just go to class. Take notes. Pay attention. If you're feeling sleepy, chew some gum or drink a Mountain Dew. Your professor will appreciate you being there and you'll most likely do better in the class. 

16. It's okay to laugh at yourself.
College is full of awkward and new experiences. I've tripped at least once a day and jumped at the sound of someone dropping a pencil. I am easily frightened, so I tend to jump and/or say "oooh!" in a high-pitched voice when I get scared. Laugh at yourself. I tripped so bad one day that I literally thought I was about to kill myself. I started laughing. I walked into the math building and my boots got stuck together and someone asked me if I was okay and stood with me until I sorted myself out. I laughed. Laughing through situations like this make them more bearable. Don't be afraid to laugh. 

These next ones are some more art-related things, so it won't apply to everyone unless you're an art major or take an art class. 

17. Don't take critiques personally. 
With art classes comes critiques, where everyone puts up their work and share comments about them. These comments are for your benefit, and are aimed at your artwork, not you as a person. I've seen a lot of people get really defensive when someone makes comments about their artwork, but you've got to remember that they are trying to improve your skills and make you a better artist. Listen to what they say and store it in your mind and think of it when you create a new piece. 

18. Attend art events.
Take advantage of your school's art events. There are galleries you can go to and lectures you can attend. Some teachers will give extra credit for attending these events, so take advantage! They're a lot of fun and will spark conversations. 

19. Don't ever fold your pieces. 
I honestly believe my professor had mini-heart attacks when he saw that one of our drawings was folded or ripped. He told us that doing so devalues the piece, and shows that you don't care for it. This is so, so, so true. I remember looking at some people's pieces and not taking it seriously because it was obvious that the piece wasn't taken care of. 

20. Listen to your professors.
This can go for all professors, but especially art professors. One of my advisers told us that we need to soak up as much of the information from our art professors as we can. They are all successful artists and the things they tell us are only to make us better artists. I never really thought of that, but it's really true. All of my professors create amazing pieces of art, and the fact that I'm learning from an actual artist is inspiring.

College has definitely been different, but in the best way possible. I am so thankful that I can be here doing something that I absolutely love. 

One semester down, seven to go. :p 

-Rachel xx

Thankful.



 

 

 

 

 

In honor of Thanksgiving, I wanted to share one of my favorite songs with you. Play the video above while you read this post, or after, or before, do whatever you please! But whatever you do, make sure you listen to it. :)

 

Thanksgiving is Thursday, I can hardly believe it! October through December is my favorite time of year, and we're right in the heart of it. I am always so overjoyed this time of year. Everything around seems so beautiful and magical. We realize all of the things that make our lives worthwhile, even the smallest things.

 

I know this time of year can be stressful, but always remember who made you and why you're here. There are much bigger and better things coming than we could ever imagine. There are people out there who love you and care for you, and there's a God above who is always there for you.

 

I pray that you all experience the peacefulness and happiness that this season is all about.

 

 

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

 and feel free to comment/post whatever you're thankful for. <3

 

-Rachel xx

 

 



Sweet Miss Edith.

Two years ago today, we lost one of the most beautiful souls, Miss Edith.

I am so so so blessed to have known her. She brought so much light into my life and to everyone around her. Regardless of what was going on in her life, good or bad, she trusted God through it all and pushed through. She was such an amazing woman and such a genuine person and I am so happy I got the chance to be close to her.

Memories of her flooded my mind today, as they do everyday, but today especially.

My apologies if this seems jumbled, I'm just going to list some memories and talk about each of them. I think one of the best ways to remember people is to sit down and talk about memories of them. So picture this as us sitting on a couch and laughing about old memories. Make you a cup of hot chocolate and break out the blankets!

Some of my earliest memories of Miss Edith were when I was in Vacation Bible School. Miss Edith always did the crafts. I didn't really know her then. I remember sitting by her one night and I was completely quiet because I didn't really know who she was. (I was extremely shy when I was young, still am but not as bad, haha!) She always looked so happy making the crafts and I cherish those memories everyday.

We'd often go visit her during youth group since she lived so close to the church. I have memories of walking to her house with my youth group, I still didn't really know her all that much, but I still enjoyed sitting in her little living room. I also remember how we'd always go by her house on the Fall Festival hay ride. She'd always be standing on her porch with her walker, waving at us as we went by.

My mom started going over to her house a lot and taking care of her. That's when I started getting closer to her. I'd go over to her house with my mom and sit on the couch while she and mom talked. Most of the time I sat quietly and looked around at all of her pictures and trinkets. She had so many things, but you could tell each thing had a specific place and meant something to her. I still remember how everything was set up in her house. Especially when she had her Christmas tree out. She loved that tree so much!

One day for a class assignment, I had to interview an elderly person and ask them about their life. I thought of Miss Edith immediately. I went over to her house, notebook and pen in hand and sat down to interview her. I was still a little scared to ask someone so many questions about their personal life. I remember how thrilled she was that I wanted to know about her. I remember the way she looked at me while I asked questions. She was intently listening and answering in paragraphs. I learned so much about her. She had been through so much, but still was so happy and strong. My admiration for her grew immensely that day. I'll never forget that moment.

Another time when we went to her house, we looked at her collection of Mickey Mouse watches. She adored Mickey Mouse. She had a plastic tub full of different Mickey watches. She let my sister, mom, and me pick one. I was so shocked that she would let us just have one of her watches that she had collected.

Miss Edith's eventually had to be moved into a nursing home. We visited her so much. I think mom went about every single day and I tagged along a few times a week after school. One of the first times I went we had brought her a pizza to eat. Mom had to go get something so it was just Miss Edith and me in the room. We ate pizza together and watched some nature show. I have so many memories of us bringing her food, haha! She loved mashed potatoes from KFC. I never realized you could order just mashed potatoes from KFC until that day! She loved when she was brought food and didn't have to eat the nursing home food. She was a character!

Not long after my 16th birthday, I had my permit and had never driven anywhere that was more than 5 minutes away. Mom let me drive to see Miss Edith, which was about a 15 or so minute drive. I parked my car right in front of her window because she had never seen it before. She loved it!

Once in the nursing home they were having a jewelry sale in the lobby. We wheeled Miss Edith out so she could look at everything. (She looooved jewelry.) She saw me looking at a bracelet and told me, "get that so it matches your Weird Al!" (I had a Weird Al tshirt on and the bracelet went perfect with it.) Oh! I forgot to mention, one of the times when I went to visit her at her house was after I had saw Weird Al in concert. Mom was telling her about it and she had never heard of him. We didn't really think too much about it. Then mom went back to her house one day while she was at the nursing home and found a little piece of paper with "Weird Al" written on it. She had written his name down to remember it. It warms my heart every time I think about it. Just little gestures like that show how much she cared about people.

I'm so happy I got to spend her last birthday with her. We got her pizza and root beer, and ate outside of the nursing home. I think we all knew she'd be gone soon, but we didn't let that thought cross our minds in that moment. We all had such a good time being together. I wouldn't trade those moments for anything.

I remember so vividly the day we heard she had passed. I remember being sad but I don't think it hit me until church the following Sunday. I don't even remember what was said to start the tears, all I remember is that I kept crying and couldn't stop. She had almost felt like a fourth grandmother to me. (I actually have 3 grandmothers, before you think I'm bad at math haha!)

As strange as it sounds, her funeral was one of my favorite memories. All of us close to her wore something with Mickey Mouse on it. Her favorite flowers were there. Her pictures were there. The funeral was in our church. I know she loved it. She was smiling from heaven. There were sad tears, happy tears, memories shared, and so many hugs that night. It was a beautiful night of remembrance. I have more happy memories from it than sad. I think that's a good thing. I don't get sad thinking about it, I feel at peace from it.

There are times that I wish that she could still be here, seeing me go through college and telling her about everything. But I know that she is watching over me now, she's been with me this whole time. She is one of my biggest inspirations. I'm so happy she's with her son and husband again. I know she's so happy and that makes me happy.

God gained a beautiful angel, and I can't wait to see her again.

October 1924- November 2012

 

 

-Rachel xx

1989.

Today has been a monumental day for one of my heroes.

Her fifth album, 1989 came out today. Ever since I woke up this morning I just wanted to run out to Target and get my hands on it. And guess what my impulsive self did,

Sorry this is flipped. :p

 

 

 

I've been a devoted Swiftie for years now. I remember seeing a girl wearing a Taylor shirt at school and thinking it was Carrie Underwood. (Don't even ask.) It was a t-shirt from her very first album.

 

That girl on that t-shirt became one of my biggest inspirations. Seeing a tall, curly-haired girl be successful and live her dreams was just amazing. I remember sitting on the couch for hours watching her music videos and tour videos. I listened to her songs on repeat all the time. I remember the first time I bought one of her albums. It was Fearless, I bought it with my own money around Thanksgiving and was so excited. My mom let me listen to it on the way home from South Carolina. I always loved listening to the country-based music and the beautiful words Taylor wrote. I remember asking if anyone would let me have their copy of Taylor Swift because I didn't have any cash to buy it. (I finally bought it myself. Don't worry,  I didn't steal anyone's CD.)

 

I now have all of her albums. I've seen her in concert twice. I know every word to every song. I have spent so many hours in my room and in my car singing along to her songs. I smelled like "Wonderstruck" my whole freshman year of high school. I remember when I first saw her in concert and just stared in awe of how amazing of a performer she is. I remember seeing her on the Red Tour with Bre and crying once the lights went down. I danced and sang at the top of my lungs. (I ruined all of my concert videos because all you can hear on them is me singing like a dragon.) Her songs have always helped me through situations in my life. I am so happy that there are now 16 new songs to add to that list.

 

 

This beauty. THIS BEAUTY. First things first, I am in love with the design of the album. The "1989" written in a marker just makes the album seem personal. It's like, "hey I made this for you." I love it. It's like a mixtape or something. I just like how it's not like, "hey I'm polished and perfect." It looks so personal like I just snapped that picture of Taylor while we were goofing around playing photoshoot. (We all did that and you know it.) I just love the personality.

 

 

 

The inside of the album is just beautiful. The font of the song titles in the booklet is so cool. It's like neon lights. How rad. There are still secret messages in the lyrics like always. But in this album there's a little yellow pocket of polaroids with lyrics on them. Let's have a look see.

 

 

 

 

 

How fun are these?! They feel like old family photos to me. I feel like we are on the adventure with her and it's absolutely wonderful. The lyrics are handwritten at the bottom of the polaroids and it's just so cool. I love it. One of the polaroids was taken a day after my birthday and I had a momentary freak out. (I'm okay now.)

 

 

Now let's get to them tunes!

 

First, I just wanted to say that "Shake It Off" makes me cry every time I hear it when driving home from school. That song has helped me through college and all of this crazy transition.

 

If you're looking for Taylor's country-esque sounds and slow banjo solos, this isn't your album. But don't let that scare you away. There is still the Taylor Swift stamp on it. It still sounds like her. This album is pop, and it's fantastic. I'm listening to it as I'm writing this and it's beautiful. Her song-writing skills are heaven-sent. God definitely blessed that girl with a way with words. It tugs at your heart strings and can make you dance at the same time. It's lovely. I love her vocabulary. I feel like when some people hear "pop music" they think of cheesy, teeny-bopper tunes, but this is definitely not that. The lyrics make you think and bob your head. I just love it so much. I just want to run door to door in my dorm building right now and slip them a copy of the album under their door. It's that good.

 

I know all of this is coming from a huge TSwizzle fan, but seriously, listen to this album if you are a fan or if you're not a fan. I'm sure you'll find one thing that you like. It's that good. Like, if this album played as the background music of my life for the rest of my life I'd be completely okay with that.

 

My current favorite on the album is "Style, and "You Are In Love," though I'm sure that'll change as I listen to the rest of the songs. They're that good.

 

My ultimate dream is to meet Taylor and tell her these things. Tell her all the stories. Tell her how many times I cried listening to her songs and how many times I danced by myself in my bedroom to them. How much she felt like the best friend I never really had. Thank her for understanding even though she doesn't know me. One day I know it'll happen. I have a good feeling someday it will.

 

But for now, I'll listen to 1989 on repeat until I am 89.

 

 

"I could build a castle out of all the bricks they threw at me." Favorite lyric on the album so far.

Rachel xx

 

(p.s. I recommend getting the deluxe version of the album if you can. There are bonus tracks and 3 voice memos of when she first thought of the songs. It's like she's talking to you and it's wonderful.)

 

#ILoveWhoIAmBecause

I was watching Dancing With the Stars tonight when one of my favorites, Bethany Mota, came on. I've loved her for years now and I still get so happy when I see her bright smile on my TV screen.

This week the stars had to think of the most memorable moment in their life. Bethany's was when she began her YouTube channel after years of being bullied and feeling insecure about herself.

I really identified with her story and felt like I should share mine.

I don't really remember when I became aware of my appearance and starting becoming insecure. I believe it was in fourth grade after a not-so-kind comment made by one of my classmates. He kind of said it in a joking way, but I remember I kept thinking about it days later, and even years after. I never really thought about my looks, especially how my face looked, and that's what his comment was about.

Middle school was the time when my insecurity hit me like a freight train. I really wanted to be in the "scene" look. I had gone from wearing pink and other bright colors in elementary school to craving a closet full of band shirts and skinny jeans. I wanted bangs and wanted to wear dark makeup. Well, I got some band shirts. I got some skinny jeans. I got bangs. (Still gagging over those.) And I invested in some hip Mary-Kate & Ashley glittery black eye shadow. Even though at the time I felt like I had found myself, looking back I know I really hadn't. I wore tight band shirts, skinny jeans, and converse. I straightened the heck out of my bangs and never wore my hair down. I wore black eye shadow and got asked if I had a black eye. (That was the end of the black eye shadow.) I felt pretty happy for sixth and seventh grade. Eighth grade, oh eighth grade....

Eighth grade started out pretty swell. I had lots of friends and even got my first boyfriend. I felt like my life was perfect. That year, I lost a lot of friends. I didn't have a boyfriend anymore. I got braces and talked with a lisp for about three months. It took me a while to get back up on my feet. I finally did and had a great time in eighth grade, until one of my old friend's boyfriends, well, to save you from  a long story, basically called me ugly.

This little comment from a stupid guy who I had never even met screwed with me. I was upset for a long time. I never really told anyone about it. I was even more upset my friend didn't seem to really care that he said that about me. I started feeling ugly. I'd cover my mouth when I smiled or laughed, I made sure my bangs covered most of my face. I just felt awkward and like I didn't really belong.

High school hit. I was really excited, but felt like a little fish in a big pond. I had friends and everything, but I still had this lonely feeling. Many things happened freshman year. I lost friends. I made new ones. I was infatuated with this one guy. I had plenty of happy times, but a lot of my insecure thoughts and lack of confidence crept up and attacked me numerous times throughout my high school days.

I had often felt like I lived in the shadow of my big sister. She always had boyfriends, people had crushes on her, I felt like everyone absolutely adored her and I was just, there. She was so small and pretty, I felt huge and ugly. I stood at a towering 5'8, which was quite a few inches more than everyone else in my class. I just felt, huge. I was always jealous of my sister, everyone would tell me "your sister is so pretty!" and things along those lines. Which are true things, she is gorgeous and a fun person to be around, but hearing that, especially when I was feeling like I wasn't cared about, was like a dagger through the heart. And I can't even tell you how many people told me that about her, and a lot of guys would ask me if she was single and things along those lines. Which was also something not very comforting for me to hear.

It felt like everyone around me was dating. Everyone had crushes on each other. People had crushes on all my friends. People were going on dates and hanging out with guys. I hadn't had a boyfriend since eighth grade. I thought something was wrong with me. Why were all these other girls and my friends have boyfriends and boys chasing them and I didn't? Was I ugly? Was it because I was tall? Did people think I was mean? Just, why? Why was I the one giving boy advice and helping other people through relationships but I was just, sitting there by myself. I didn't get it. Maybe I just wasn't pretty enough.

Yes, there were a couple guys that seemed to show some interest in me. But I'm just going to rip off the Band-Aid here, I was played more times than I like t think about. I gave so much time and attention to some people who treated me like trash. I wasn't respected. I was just happy I was getting some type of attention. The questioning began again. Am I ugly? What's wrong with me? Why?

I can't really explain how I felt in words. I'm a pro-overthinker. My mind was eating me alive. I literally felt like scum. I looked at other girls and wished I was them. I wanted to look like them. I wanted to be little with straight hair and perfect teeth. I wanted boys to fall in love with me. I wanted this attention. But here I was. A girl with outrageous curly hair that was always in a bun or a braid, with a tall lanky build, and braces. Everyone else just seemed so mature. I still felt like I was in fifth grade.

There was a day sophomore year that literally pains me to talk about. I remember bottling up all of these emotions for so long. I never told anyone how awful I felt about myself. I never admitted to hating myself. Everyone's compliments of me went in one ear and out the other. The judgmental looks/snarky comments towards me are what stuck. I couldn't take it anymore. My mind was going to kill me. I went to tennis this particular afternoon. I remember walking on the court and doubting everything. Why was I here? Did anybody even really care? What would people do if I wasn't here? I remember just staring into the sky and wondering all of these things. One of my teammates made a joke (like we always did, we were a very sarcastic/jokey team) at me, I blew up. I walked off the court and sat on a bench and cried. People kept asking me what was wrong. I just wanted to leave. I didn't want to admit that I felt like everyone hated me and that I hated myself. I didn't want to admit that I was jealous of literally everyone I knew. I remember going home that night and just crying. I felt like I had lost all hope. I still felt like no one understood. My faith, my precious faith had felt like a lie. I didn't know what to do.

That summer, I went to church camp. I was still feeling these things. I still felt ugly. I remember even being nervous that I had to wake up with everyone in my youth group and that they might see me without makeup on. It terrified me. And these were people that I knew wouldn't judge me, but I still felt like seeing me like this would change their opinion of me.

That same time at church camp, I had the most wonderful camp counselor in the world. I remember being so excited to go to his class and do activities with him and other campers. I felt like he understood. Finally,someone who understood me and he didn't even  know it.

That night. That beautiful, wonderful, fantastic, beautiful, beautiful night. The people running the camp were playing "God of This City" and I burst into tears. Everything I had worried about for the past couple years felt lifted. I felt, I can't describe. That's something you don't know how it feels until you feel it. I went up to my camp counselor and he gave me the biggest hug that anyone has ever given me. I never felt so loved by someone I had only known for a few days. He asked me how I was feeling, I couldn't even get words out, I just remember crying. He prayed for me. I will never ever forget that moment. For the first time in years, I wasn't thinking of how I looked, I wasn't worried what people thought of me as I went to the front of the room into my counselors arms. I just, I felt like someone understood me. Someone was there that knew exactly what I was going through. My hope came back that night. That was the night I decided to get baptized.

Months after camp, I still felt hopeful. But I eventually fell back into my old ways of thinking. I felt ugly and unwanted again. I felt like an outcast. Some of the unkind comments came back and haunted me. I started taking people's little innocent jokes towards me as insults. I hated how poofy my hair was, I hated my big nose, I hated my tallness, I hated my small chest, I hated how small my teeth were. Literally  every little miniscule thing about me, I would stare at and hate. I even hated sitting beside people because I thought they would look at my profile and notice how bumped my nose was. It was an absolutely a pathetic way of life I was slowly crawling back in to.

Senior year of high school came. Things started happening. I tried to shed all of these hateful feelings towards myself. I started wearing less makeup. I wore my hair down. I wore clothes I liked. I tried to think positive and focus on things besides my looks. I tried to talk to more people. Something happened that year. My little shell began chipping away. That tall, curly headed girl was accepting herself. She no longer looked in the mirror and said, "who could love this face?" she said, "this is me and I'm happy."

Now that I'm in college, I've found myself. I found that girl who was there that night of church camp again. I found that looks aren't everything. I found that I'm not ugly. I found the people in my life that really matter and who really care for me. I found that all because you're single doesn't mean you will be forever. And yeah, there are days still where I feel ugly. A lot of them. There are days where I am tempted to take scissors to my head and chop these Ramen noodles off my head. But this is me. This is who I'm supposed to be. I'm made this way for a reason.

#ILoveWhoIAmBecause
I can make people laugh. I can reach things off top shelves. I love too hard. I like to scrapbook. I love my legs. I can draw. I love to dance even though I'm bad at it. I've stayed true to myself all my life, even though I've been tempted not to a couple times. I'm a good listener. I never have to use volumizing shampoo. I like my eyes. I love the way I dress.

All I'm trying to say is that that girl who broke down sophomore year of high school because of insecurities, was just rolling on the floor, with messed up hair and worn-off makeup, laughing and feeling truly happy. Things do get better. Things become happy again. Don't beat yourself up. Take tons of selfies. Compliment other people. Be nice. Make yourself some hot chocolate. Put on makeup and feel good about yourself, but then take it off and feel even better about yourself. You're awesome.

 

 

 

Be kind to yourself.

Love your curly headed art major who just ate a whole footlong Subway sandwich,

Rachel xx

Dorm Tour.

I promised this ages ago. Forgive me for just now getting to it!

So, as most of you all know, I'm now in college. My first day here was August 21st, so I've been here for well over a month now. It really doesn't seem like that short of a time, I feel like it's been a zillion times longer. But anyway...

When I first found out that I was going to be attending university, I immediately thought of my dorm. I couldn't wait to decorate it and make it super homey. That was my main goal, make the dorm homey so you won't get so homesick. Thankfully, that thought has helped me a great deal in living here. I do go home every weekend (I don't live far from home at all, really) but it's nice to have a "home away from home" of some sorts.

Here are some pictures of this "home away from home."

 

You can click on the pictures to enlarge!

 

 

This is what's always on my desk, so I can just pick it up and run to my classes. I don't carry a wallet, just a little Vera Bradley keychain wallet thing to hold my school ID & such. Carrying this to class is so much easier than lugging a purse around. Oh, and funny story, that Hello Kitty clock was my alarm clock, but I knocked it off my desk about three times. It no longer works as an alarm clock, or keeps time. ):

 

 

 

This is where I do all of my assignments. "Organized Chaos" is an appropriate term to describe this area. Everything has its place, but it's kind of tossed around a bit. I keep sticky notes at the top of my desk to remind myself of assignments and other tasks I need to complete. I have my planner that my university gave me, and I actually have another planner underneath my laptop. I like having multiple planners, I have a monthly planner (under the laptop), a weekly planner (pictured), and I keep a monthly/weekly planner in my backpack so I can write down assignments and due dates while I'm in class. Having three keeps me together, haha! And of course a remote control for our TV and an umbrella in case it rains. I don't know what kind of laptop I have, all I know it's an HP with Windows 8 on it. (I'm an art major, not a computer person, haha!) And I was watching one of my favorite Youtubers/Bloggers, Zoe Sugg in this picture, who actually has a blog that is phenomenal and is the one who inspired me to write a blog and make YouTube videos. (Still trying to fork up the courage to make a video, I'm working on that!)

 

(Not Pictured)
There are 4 drawers in the desk, three down the right side and one long one that takes up the remainder of the desk. The long drawer is full of odds and ends, mainly papers and decorations I didn't hang up. The other three drawers are as follows: #1 Emergency Drawer (medicines, band-aids, lint roller, etc). #2 Makeup/Toiletry Drawer #3 Textbook/Paper Drawer.

 

 

Here are a few other things that adorn my desk.
I keep my makeup in this little plastic organizer I found at Home Goods. I don't wear that much makeup, so I only put daily essentials on my desk.
I keep my pencils and pens in these plastic party cups I got at Walmart. The one in the back is a One Direction cup and the one in the front is a My Little Pony cup. They actually hold lots of pencils and pens so they're handy and adorable a the same time! :)

This little angel was a graduation gift from one of my middle school teachers. I keep it in front of everything as a reminder of peace. Everytime I look at it, I think of something or someone different, so it's very comforting to me.

My desk wall is a smorgasbord of different inspirational quotes/pictures and whatnot. The picture to the left is a picture I took at the One Direction concert, I drew the one of Harry and me, the cartoon of Little Mix (bottom one with four girls) is a drawing from a very talented girl on Tumblr, then there's a frolicking Harry Styles, the "Stop Being So Cute" picture of Perrie Edwards and Jesy Nelson from Little Mix, and a picture of my Grandma with Santa that I just adore. And the others are pretty self-explanatory. It keeps me sane while doing homework assignments to look up and see things that make you happy.

Above my desk is where my printer lives. On top of my printer, I have some printing paper, a book for class, a journal, and a Marie plushie that my cousin got me for graduation. Beside the printer, I have my desk lamp, a mirror, a jewelry box, a little Andy Warhol, a picture of my mom and me, and a little pink dolphin I got in a Happy Meal. The little white board above my desk is where I write my "things to get" type lists. This is the neatest part of my whole room, it's been over a month and it still looks as clean as this picture shows haha.Oh! And a cool thing about the desk lamp is that it has little containers for holding things in it, and it also has a outlet on the base, so I can charge my phone while I'm working. Loooooove it.



 

 



This is my décor and "it's gonna be okay" wall.

I decorated my side of the room with things that made me happy. The flower garland streamed across the upper wall of my little corner is homemade. I cut flowers out of scrapbook paper and then glued pictures in the middle of the flowers, then taped them onto a beaded string my mom had. I love it because it's a great way to have a ton of pictures up without them cluttering the wall too much.

The R is from World Market and the little Volkswagen Van metal sign is from Hobby Lobby. They're probably my favorite decorations I have in my room.

 

The "it's gonna be okay" wall is where I put up all of the things that make me happy. There's quotes, pictures, celebrities, bible verses, everything. I've added so many more things to it since I took these pictures, they're covered now! I made the dream catcher in one of my high school art classes. I keep it by my bed and it really calms me down if I'm feeling a little stressed. Above the dream catcher is a picture of my cousin Laura and me when I was in the Prom Fashion Show at school. She's like my sister/bestfriend/biggest motivator so I like to keep her up there! :)

 

 

This is my dorm. It's very comfortable and homey and I absolutely love it. It's really soothing to know that I can come back somewhere where I don't feel uncomfortable. <3

 

xx Rachel