I'm in College?!

Well, it's happening....

I am officially a college freshman. That sounds so peculiar to hear for some reason, am I really this far in life already? I still don't feel old enough, though I am happy I've seen a lot taller girls than me walking around campus. (So happy I'm not considered "the tallest girl in school" anymore.)

I have been here since Thursday, August 21st. Most of you already know from my numerous Facebook/Twitter/Instagram posts, but it was an extremely emotional day for me. The thought of living on my own in a dorm with a ton of people I don't know absolutely scared me. I now had my own little place to call my own, a little lofted twin bed that I was switching for my full bed. (Still not used to it, but I did sleep very well last night, so it's getting better!) I decorated my room as homey as a could, adorned with plenty of stuffed animals, pictures, quotes/verses, and of course, lots of pink and scattered things related to One Direction. I felt really homey at first, but once it hit me that my parents were about to leave, the tears began rolling. I cried a lot, off and on. It was definitely a day I wish I could forget. I had never felt more miserable and alone as I did that Thursday afternoon. I had barely eaten anything since Tuesday due to being to anxious. Everything that seemed so familiar began slipping away from me. My little hometown, my room I've lived in since I was a toddler, waking up to my mom vacuuming or my dad talking, it was all gone sooner than I ever thought it would be. I'd rather not go into any more detail, let's just sum it up with, my first day here was one of the worst days I've had in a while.

I woke up Friday still feeling a little sick to my stomach. I took a pepto (a little personal, but hey, we're all friends here) and got ready for my day. We had freshmen convocation. I was pretty nervous, but seeing other people that seemed just as nervous as me was strangely comforting. I didn't feel alone anymore. I got a free t-shirt and headed towards my new art family here. I was in group 47, and don't believe anything my school may tell you, those 70 groups were not in order. It took me about 10 minutes just to find my group. I asked another leader and he told me, "your group is the one by the tree where the blonde girl in the red shirt is standing." Well, I reckon he didn't realize that that description was HALF THE PEOPLE STANDING OUTSIDE THAT DAY. I just nodded and walked off, still confused. I saw group 46 and asked them where my group was, I came to find out it was on the other side of the big circle we were all standing around. I hiked it over there and found my group. It was small, but homey feeling. I could tell we were all kind of, for lack of a better word, outcasts. But in my overly-sentimental, cheesy way of seeing things, I believe we were all in the same group for a reason. We all got along extremely well. There were many laughs and stories we told one another. One guy in my group said that, "We are a family, us art kids have to stick together." Which warmed my heart in ways you couldn't imagine. Finally! A family I was a part of, and we all genuinely liked each other. We were all different but we fit together like a puzzle. Meeting them really made me feel like I did belong here. I had such a fun time with them for the few hours we had to spend together, but I was a little upset when I learned a lot of the art kids were commuters, so I haven't seen them on campus since Friday, so many of the events I went to, none of them were there.

Friday was the first day that there were some big events planned. I attended a few of them with my roommate and another friend I know here. We sat outside of "Casino Night", mainly because none of us knew how to play any of the card games. After "Casino Night" I had another rough night, which resulted in a pretty lengthy phone call with my mom. I started feeling homesick again. I tried to suck it up and we headed to another event, the "Ice Cream Social." We got there about 10 minutes after it started and they were already out of ice cream, we weren't very happy. We went and sat at a table and talked for a few then went back to relax in our dorms. My homesickness plagued me most of that day, but I was hoping it'd blow over soon.

Saturday, I was awoken to a knock at the door at about 9am. I assumed it was our RA and went to sleep. I fell back asleep for about 10 minutes and then woke up again to look at my phone, I had a missed call from an unknown number and from my mom. I was really confused so I called my mom back. Long story short, a car had broken down behind me and a wrecker had to come to move it, but my car was in the way. So campus police was knocking on my door and calling me asking to move my car. I slithered out of bed and threw on extremely mismatched clothes (I was still half asleep!) and walked outside where I was eventually greeted by campus police, who apologized for waking me up and then thanked me for moving my car. I came back in my dorm and ate some breakfast. We didn't have any events planned for early in the day, so after we ate, my roommate and I walked around campus to find our classes. We found them all and are so thankful that none of them are far from our dorm at all.

Later Saturday afternoon/night, we attended the block party. It wasn't the funnest thing, but it was pretty entertaining watching a bunch of people run around playing laser tag. I had worn my One Direction Where We Are concert tshirt that day, and I got stopped by an upperclassmen and we talked about how amazing the concert was. It was also reassuring to know that I'm not the only One Direction fan on campus, I felt like people had been looking at me weird for my shirt all day, so that was pretty comforting.

Another friend of mine and I went out to the Luau that was being held at the campus pool. I felt really out of place because it was full of fraternities and sororities. I really don't have any interest in joining one, I know they are great and it helps makes friends, but I just know in my heart that it isn't the place I want to be. They were really nice girls even though I think I offended one of them by thinking she was 19 when she was actually 21. (That's why you never ask someone, "how old do you think I am?") But hey, we got free leis and free food so it was a good time. My supper Saturday night consisted of a cookie, a soft pretzel, meatballs, chicken on a stick, fruit, and water. Not much of a supper but hey, it was free.

It's now Sunday and I woke to a lot of my decorations falling down, including my flower garland I made basically on top of me when I woke up. Not going to lie to you, I didn't wake up till about 11. I'm trying to enjoy sleeping in since these past few days were the only days that I could. Tomorrow is my first class, which begins at 8am. I'm going to make sure that I eat plenty today and get a good night's rest so I am awake and ready for tomorrow.

I want to thank every one of you that has sent good wishes and prayers my way. You have no clue how much it means to me. I've written them all down and taped them on my desk and pinned them to my corkboard that's right by my bed, so when I wake up I see them right away. And thank you all who have listened to me when I confided in you, sat through my long phone calls of me being overly-worrisome, and for just always being there. It means more to me than anything else in this world and is a big reason why I finally feel better being here and gives me motivation to succeed. I love you all so so so much. <3

And I just wanted you all to know, I have been eating,  I have been feeling much happier. I can tell that I've gotten my appetite back, because I was sitting in bed last night and felt as if I was starving, which hasn't happened in over a week now. I know there are still going to be some hard days ahead, but I finally feel that I can face them. God has been with me through this, and I've been feeling your prayers. I am forever thankful.

And I just checked my email, I already have an assignment that's due Thursday. And so it begins!

Rachel xx

A Reflection: Summer 2014.

Well, my summer vacation has come to an end. This vacation has been the longest one I've had since kindergarten, no joke. I've been out since May 9th, and it is now August 20th. Wowza. I've been so blessed to have such a great summer, so many things have happened, good and bad, but the good definitely outweighed the bad.

May.The last day of highschool was absolutely amazing for me. I got several hugs from people I never expected, which made the day even more special. There were so many smiles all around and it was lovely to see. It's a moment I'll never forget.

My graduation party was one of the highlights of my year so far. I got to see family, new friends, old friends,  church friends, and some people I hadn't seen in a while who were an absolute surprise when they showed up. I had started out that morning feeling a little, bleh, but once I started seeing people I loved I couldn't stop smiling.

Graduation was indescribable. I got to walk out on the field between two people that I've known since elementary school, and as cheesy as it sounds, it was so special to me. My favorite picture from graduation is the one where we're walking on the field, I have the biggest smile on my face. I felt so on top of the world in that moment, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I spent all night after graduation with my family, which is my favorite way to spend time. Especially with my family, never a dull moment!

June.
My first college experience. Scary stuff. I was very nervous and still am, but I'm praying it'll turn out just fine.

Nothing too monumental happened in June, but I remember being extremely happy.

July.
We went back to Michigan and it was absolutely gorgeous. We had a small vacation, only about three days, but it was beautiful. It was very chilly there compared to the Tennessee summer. Michigan as absolutely beautiful, I recommend you visit.

The 4th of July was fun. The 4th always reminds me of childhood, there is something so magical about it. The sparklers are always my favorite. And I got to see my grandparents and visit with them for a long time, which is very special to me.

I don't know if any of you are familiar with the Vine app, but if you are, you probably know a 20-something dude named Nicholas Megalis. (If not, google him, you won't regret it.) He is one of the funniest people I've ever seen, and I've had such a school girl crush on him ever since I found him. I got on Twitter one night right as he posted a tweet talking about a follow spree. With low hopes, I retweeted him, not expecting anything of it due to many failed attempts before. I got back on later on and saw that I had a notification. Well, low and behold it was Mr. Megalis. Granted, he followed 200+ people, but hey, I was one of them.

Another cool thing that happened, my favorite girl group is Little Mix. I had posted an edit on Tumblr of two of the members, Jesy Nelson & Leigh Anne Pinnock. Again, not thinking anything of posting it, I had posted pictures tons of times before. I was scrolling through Jesy's Instagram one day when something caught my eye, she had posted my edit on her Instagram. I stared at it for probably 10 minutes, comparing it to the original picture and making sure that it was my edit; and it was. I have no idea how she found it, but I am still so happy she did.

August.
August was probably the busiest, most exciting month. I finally went swimming, I hadn't been swimming all summer. Those are the times that I wish I had a pool, haha!

I also saw one of my best friends from preschool/elementary school, I hadn't seen her in four years so it was so amazing that we got to catch up and eat a burger. (Can't ever forget burgers.) It was very bittersweet, we are both in college now and I'm not sure the next time we'll see one another again, but I know we will. This friendship has been alive too long to fizzle out completely. You can never lose friends like that.

In the middle of the month we spent a week at my Grandma's house. Summer vacation at her house is always one of my favorite parts of the year. There was a lot of quality time spent with family, laughing and eating, and even just sitting together. We did all of the things we usually go out and do, get ice cream at Brusters, go to the beach, and visit my Grandpa. I am so incredibly blessed to have such an amazing family. I wouldn't trade them for anything. And I know I don't say it much, but I love all of you so much, you don't know how much your words and everything go with me everywhere I go.

Yesterday, I saw five boys that I have loved since early 2012. Five boys who've oddly made me feel like I'm beautiful and that I can be loved by someone. (Don't judge me, haha.) These five boys are One Direction. I'm not going to get too much into it, I'll just keep rambling on, but it was one of the best nights of my entire life. I still can't believe I saw them. So entertaining, so talented, just so lovely.

And now, as I'm sitting here typing this, watching Jimmy Fallon and praying everything goes okay tomorrow, I am so happy that my summer was spent happily. (A bit redundant, Rachel.) I didn't do all the things I wanted to do, but I did do the things that I needed to do.

As I start etching onto a new stone of my life, I hope everything goes yabba-yabba-tastic. (I was trying to be cool and make some Flinstones references but it didn't work.) As much as I'm scared, I have faith that this will be the start of some exciting things in my life.

Goodbye summer, hello fall.

 

 

xx Rachel

An Open Letter to Upcoming Seniors.

It's your year to shine. This is one of the best times of your life.

Dear seniors, and any other high school student who may read this,

 

You are one step closer to graduating. Congratulations! It is really exciting, and I'm proud of you for getting this far. As you head into another year of high school, there are a few things I've learned over my years as a high school student that I'd like to share with you.

 

1. Get involved.

I know you all hear this all the time. "Come to events! Join a club! Participate!" Hearing those phrases over and over can get annoying, but listen to them. School flat out stinks if you just go to classes and then drive home and eat Cheetos the rest of the day. (Well, that doesn't sound too bad, but you don't wanna spend every afternoon with cheeto covered fingers.) Just be a part of something. It can be a big commitment such as a club or even just attending a football game. Doing things at the school and being surrounded by classmates makes you feel like you are a part of the school. You'll swell with pride for your school and you'll find yourself cheering at football games even if you don't understand what is going on. (i.e. me at every football game I attended.) I know it's scary, I know it can be uncomfortable, but you know what? Look at that picture up there. I was only close friends with two people on that float. Two. But riding that senior float with my classmates was one of the best memories of my senior year. I felt like I was connected with them even though most of us weren't that close of friends.

I also spent a lot of my high school years setting up for dances and decorating the school for events. The only dance I ever went to was Prom, but you know what? I had so much more fun decorating for dances and working the dances than I would have if I had just gone to the dance. I made a lot of memories staying after school getting things ready for the first day, spirit weeks, Homecoming, everything. Those are also some of my favorite memories from high school. I can't tell you how many nights we would all just get delusional at school and end up in laughing fits as we blew up balloons or painted signs. Clubs are just fun and get you connected with people. I made friends with people I never thought I'd be friends with. And you get in free to a lot of school events if you're a part of setting them up. I never paid for a winter formal, football game, or powder puff game because I was always working it. And if you're thinking, "but it's too late now to sign up for anything." If no clubs are taking applications anymore, ask your friends that are in those clubs if you can help them do anything. Or just go to an event and cheer for your school. Bottom line, just be a part of something. School will be much more enjoyable if you're having fun. These days don't last forever, make the most of them.

 

2. Do something out of your comfort zone.

The only way I can explain this is an example, so I apologize for the story, haha!

I've never felt completely comfortable in front of a crowd, but I had always wanted to do the Prom Fashion Show at school. February came around and sign ups for the show came around. I really wanted to do it but felt really nervous about it. I didn't want to regret not doing it, so I signed up. I was a bit anxious because I knew we had to dance on stage and model our dresses. After a one (yes only one!) night of practice and many nerves later, it was time to perform. This was another situation where I wasn't really close to everyone in the show, so I felt like I'd get kind of ignored a little bit. It was the exact opposite. I found out that everyone else that I thought would be fearless modeling were actually just as, or even more nervous than I was. We all calmed one another down backstage and cheered each other on. We'd watch one another and root for each other backstage and helped each other if we forgot a move or couldn't get the moves right. For a week I felt like I had this huge family. My heart is pounding right now thinking of how exhilarating the whole experience was. I never felt more beautiful or confident. From that moment on, I felt like I could do those kind of things. It broke down a wall in my life that had been holding me in. Bottom line, do something that seems scary to you. You may end up loving it and remembering it forever. (And if you're thinking of doing the show but aren't sure, DO IT. This is me telling you to. I want you all to feel that way, too.)

 

3. You do not have to party and drink to have fun.

I know a lot of people who feel this way, and it hurts my heart. There are so many things you can do to have fun without drinking/drugs/partying. I'm not going to get into the whole "drugs and alcohol are bad" speech, because I know you all know it. There are just so many other fun things you can do that don't involve trashing your insides. Go out and eat with your friends. Take tons of pictures and scrapbook them all. Decorate a Christmas tree. (Even if it isn't Christmas, Christmas can be all year round!) Go shopping. Go swimming. Send someone a letter. Have a dance party with yourself or friends to High School Musical music. Make food. I know the "cool" crowd is partying and stuff and you wish you were a part of that, but it isn't all it's cracked up to be. I've seen more issues and fights blossom in people's relationships due to things they did at a party. It isn't worth it. Bottom line, make memories that you'll remember and won't be ashamed to tell people about. Get "turnt up" on gummy worms and Mountain Dew instead.

 

 

4. Be young.

One of my biggest struggles in school was thinking I had to grow up quick. I wanted to feel adult and grown up. I often get called an old soul, but you can still be an old soul and be young. Go out on adventures. Watch Disney Channel and don't be ashamed that you still laugh at the jokes. Even if you are in a circumstance where you have to grow up quick, stay young at heart. Bottom line, don't lose the childish wonder in you. Be curious, love life, and keep your childhood imagination.

 

5. Don't worry about boys.

I spent waaaaaaaaay too much time worrying about having a boyfriend. I was never one of those girls who got a ton of attention from guys, so I kind of wanted it. I never really showed it, but I wanted some prince charming to swoop in and sweep me off my feet. I know people usually say middle school is the awkward time in your life, but high school can be, too. You're trying to find yourself and finding out who you want to be, you don't need a guy in those decisions. Don't worry if no one is sending you "good morning" texts or asking you to prom, (which segways into my sixth topic...)

 

6. Don't worry if you don't have a date for prom.

A few months before prom, I was wondering if I'd get asked. Never happened. All of my guy friends/acquaintances already had dates. Lovely. I felt like I was super unlikable or something. A month before prom tickets were due, no date. (I did tweet Harry Styles asking him to go with me to no avail. Thanks, dude.) Three weeks before tickets were due, no date. A week before tickets were due, no date. Well, it was Valentine's Day and prom tickets were due, no date. I bought two tickets just in case Harry responded to my tweet. (Well, not the exact reason, but we'll go with that.) Long story short, I ended up going with two of my girl friends. And you know what? BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE. We had so much fun together and laughed a lot and we looked like princesses. I ate strawberries and drank fancy juice while I was in my favorite dress and was surrounded by friends. It was one of the most special nights of my life. Bottom line, boys aren't everything. Don't let them make you sad. And don't worry if you don't have a prom date, go with your friends and make it a night to remember. (yes, intentional High School Musical reference.)

 

7. Respect your teachers.

Don't make their job hard. Listen to them. Do the work. They aren't there to fail you, even though I know a lot people who thought that/still think that. I have yet to meet a teacher who was just overjoyed with giving students failing grades. They much rather see you succeed than fail. Don't talk during powerpoints even though they may not be exciting. Teachers and other adults in the building are actually fun and helpful. I'm not saying you have to love all your teachers and love their class, I understand that some people's attitudes just don't mesh well with the teachers and how they carry class, but be respectful. Ask questions if you're confused. Do extra credit. Bottom line, just be nice to teachers and be respectful. Leave good impressions. You may need a letter of recommendation sometime in the future and it's better to have multiple people you can ask rather than none. Just be nice.

 

8. Be yourself.

If there is one thing in school that I'm proud of, it's that I never let my peers or anything else taint my mind and my actions. Yes, I slipped up a lot. I was not perfect. But there was always the voice in the back of my head going, "do you, just do you." Be yourself. Listen to your heart. You love combat boots but someone says they're ugly? Wear them anyway. Don't let other's opinions affect how you are. Be you. Listen to the Hannah Montana soundtrack even if people are laughing at you. Bottom line, do what makes you happy. Be who you want to be. Listen to that voice inside you, don't change for anyone. And always make sure you have some me-time. Make sure you are happy with yourself and don't compare yourself to others. You are awesome. Go you!

 

9. Trust in the sweet Lord above.

Losing your faith happens a lot, especially when you're surrounded by people who may not be the best people to be around. Try to read God's word everyday and pray even about the smallest things. Pray when you're scared and when you're happy. I went through many dark patches during school where I felt like God had left me and I felt hopeless. But you know what? God never left in those moments. He was right there with me. You have to reach out for him and trust him even when things get rough. He'll help you through it. Bottom line, remember His timing is always perfect and He is on your side. He loves you.

 

Enjoy these years, smile a lot, take pictures, get involved, dance around, do what makes you happy. Make these four years and especially your senior year amazing. It feels so good to look back on high school and think, "those were the best days of my life." Always try to keep a positive mindset and just be happy. If you ever need someone to talk to about school or anything else, I'm always here for you. <3

 

Sincerely,

Rachel xx