I'm in College?!

Well, it's happening....

I am officially a college freshman. That sounds so peculiar to hear for some reason, am I really this far in life already? I still don't feel old enough, though I am happy I've seen a lot taller girls than me walking around campus. (So happy I'm not considered "the tallest girl in school" anymore.)

I have been here since Thursday, August 21st. Most of you already know from my numerous Facebook/Twitter/Instagram posts, but it was an extremely emotional day for me. The thought of living on my own in a dorm with a ton of people I don't know absolutely scared me. I now had my own little place to call my own, a little lofted twin bed that I was switching for my full bed. (Still not used to it, but I did sleep very well last night, so it's getting better!) I decorated my room as homey as a could, adorned with plenty of stuffed animals, pictures, quotes/verses, and of course, lots of pink and scattered things related to One Direction. I felt really homey at first, but once it hit me that my parents were about to leave, the tears began rolling. I cried a lot, off and on. It was definitely a day I wish I could forget. I had never felt more miserable and alone as I did that Thursday afternoon. I had barely eaten anything since Tuesday due to being to anxious. Everything that seemed so familiar began slipping away from me. My little hometown, my room I've lived in since I was a toddler, waking up to my mom vacuuming or my dad talking, it was all gone sooner than I ever thought it would be. I'd rather not go into any more detail, let's just sum it up with, my first day here was one of the worst days I've had in a while.

I woke up Friday still feeling a little sick to my stomach. I took a pepto (a little personal, but hey, we're all friends here) and got ready for my day. We had freshmen convocation. I was pretty nervous, but seeing other people that seemed just as nervous as me was strangely comforting. I didn't feel alone anymore. I got a free t-shirt and headed towards my new art family here. I was in group 47, and don't believe anything my school may tell you, those 70 groups were not in order. It took me about 10 minutes just to find my group. I asked another leader and he told me, "your group is the one by the tree where the blonde girl in the red shirt is standing." Well, I reckon he didn't realize that that description was HALF THE PEOPLE STANDING OUTSIDE THAT DAY. I just nodded and walked off, still confused. I saw group 46 and asked them where my group was, I came to find out it was on the other side of the big circle we were all standing around. I hiked it over there and found my group. It was small, but homey feeling. I could tell we were all kind of, for lack of a better word, outcasts. But in my overly-sentimental, cheesy way of seeing things, I believe we were all in the same group for a reason. We all got along extremely well. There were many laughs and stories we told one another. One guy in my group said that, "We are a family, us art kids have to stick together." Which warmed my heart in ways you couldn't imagine. Finally! A family I was a part of, and we all genuinely liked each other. We were all different but we fit together like a puzzle. Meeting them really made me feel like I did belong here. I had such a fun time with them for the few hours we had to spend together, but I was a little upset when I learned a lot of the art kids were commuters, so I haven't seen them on campus since Friday, so many of the events I went to, none of them were there.

Friday was the first day that there were some big events planned. I attended a few of them with my roommate and another friend I know here. We sat outside of "Casino Night", mainly because none of us knew how to play any of the card games. After "Casino Night" I had another rough night, which resulted in a pretty lengthy phone call with my mom. I started feeling homesick again. I tried to suck it up and we headed to another event, the "Ice Cream Social." We got there about 10 minutes after it started and they were already out of ice cream, we weren't very happy. We went and sat at a table and talked for a few then went back to relax in our dorms. My homesickness plagued me most of that day, but I was hoping it'd blow over soon.

Saturday, I was awoken to a knock at the door at about 9am. I assumed it was our RA and went to sleep. I fell back asleep for about 10 minutes and then woke up again to look at my phone, I had a missed call from an unknown number and from my mom. I was really confused so I called my mom back. Long story short, a car had broken down behind me and a wrecker had to come to move it, but my car was in the way. So campus police was knocking on my door and calling me asking to move my car. I slithered out of bed and threw on extremely mismatched clothes (I was still half asleep!) and walked outside where I was eventually greeted by campus police, who apologized for waking me up and then thanked me for moving my car. I came back in my dorm and ate some breakfast. We didn't have any events planned for early in the day, so after we ate, my roommate and I walked around campus to find our classes. We found them all and are so thankful that none of them are far from our dorm at all.

Later Saturday afternoon/night, we attended the block party. It wasn't the funnest thing, but it was pretty entertaining watching a bunch of people run around playing laser tag. I had worn my One Direction Where We Are concert tshirt that day, and I got stopped by an upperclassmen and we talked about how amazing the concert was. It was also reassuring to know that I'm not the only One Direction fan on campus, I felt like people had been looking at me weird for my shirt all day, so that was pretty comforting.

Another friend of mine and I went out to the Luau that was being held at the campus pool. I felt really out of place because it was full of fraternities and sororities. I really don't have any interest in joining one, I know they are great and it helps makes friends, but I just know in my heart that it isn't the place I want to be. They were really nice girls even though I think I offended one of them by thinking she was 19 when she was actually 21. (That's why you never ask someone, "how old do you think I am?") But hey, we got free leis and free food so it was a good time. My supper Saturday night consisted of a cookie, a soft pretzel, meatballs, chicken on a stick, fruit, and water. Not much of a supper but hey, it was free.

It's now Sunday and I woke to a lot of my decorations falling down, including my flower garland I made basically on top of me when I woke up. Not going to lie to you, I didn't wake up till about 11. I'm trying to enjoy sleeping in since these past few days were the only days that I could. Tomorrow is my first class, which begins at 8am. I'm going to make sure that I eat plenty today and get a good night's rest so I am awake and ready for tomorrow.

I want to thank every one of you that has sent good wishes and prayers my way. You have no clue how much it means to me. I've written them all down and taped them on my desk and pinned them to my corkboard that's right by my bed, so when I wake up I see them right away. And thank you all who have listened to me when I confided in you, sat through my long phone calls of me being overly-worrisome, and for just always being there. It means more to me than anything else in this world and is a big reason why I finally feel better being here and gives me motivation to succeed. I love you all so so so much. <3

And I just wanted you all to know, I have been eating,  I have been feeling much happier. I can tell that I've gotten my appetite back, because I was sitting in bed last night and felt as if I was starving, which hasn't happened in over a week now. I know there are still going to be some hard days ahead, but I finally feel that I can face them. God has been with me through this, and I've been feeling your prayers. I am forever thankful.

And I just checked my email, I already have an assignment that's due Thursday. And so it begins!

Rachel xx