"Those Liberals Are Idiots!"

"Not Defeated" painted by me, 2016
Quotes are from things people have said to me in the past that I felt were belittling, but a couple were just added for a little humor. (Parrot Beak & Girl in Stupid Denim Jackets are the humorous ones)

This hatred spewing left and right in this country needs to stop. I'm not even talking about who was or who wasn't elected president. I'm talking about us. The people living in this country who seem to find so much joy in shouting our opinions at everyone in a forceful, degrading way. 

Logging onto any social media I have this week has been like a dagger in my heart. I've seen so many lovely things that I try to focus on, but the hateful posts I've seen interlaced between the lovely ones are constantly invading my thoughts. 

What really hurts is that people I love and respect are the ones posting things that are hurtful. They are posting things that feel like I stab at my beliefs and opinions. I understand we all have a right to our own opinions and beliefs, because that's what I'm putting out right now by typing this, but there is a way to express what you believe in without sounding hateful. 

I am going to try to express what I believe clearly, here's to hoping I'm successful. 

This Woman's March that happened yesterday that you're insulting, was one of the most liberating things I've seen in my 20 years on this Earth. To see women standing up for their rights and rights of women and human beings around the world, is so beautiful. Peaceful protesting. Peacefully sharing beliefs. (I will say, I was not fond of the signs with vulgar language, but not everyone is the same as me and that's how they felt it would best fit, I'm not arguing with it.) I've seen posts saying that "women aren't treated different as men, why do they need to march." Take a second and read this, it's a blog post by my sister which explains exactly why a woman's march was needed. I understand it's hard to relate to the statement that "women don't have the same rights as men." If you have never personally experienced discrimination because of your gender, then I am so happy for you and hope you never face any discrimination. But realize that there are women out there who face it, almost daily. Strong, beautiful, smart, outstanding, thoughtful women who are looked down on because they are a woman. I've seen it happen to many women that I love. I've heard stories of women who have been taken advantage of because they were seen as "inferior." I've seen their tears. I've cried with them. I've walked home after hearing stories feeling like my heart had been ripped out. I have stood in a room surrounded by tshirts that were scribbled with statements from women who were sexually assaulted and so many other horrific things, because they were seen as objects rather than humans. I stood in that room unable to speak reading the horrific things that happened to women. Women that I was surrounded by every single day. (If you've never heard of it, look into the Clothesline Project, it's extremely moving.) I've been discriminated against. I walked into high school one day, completely covered from head to toe in black (no reason, my outfit was just completely black that day, ha!) and I got pulled into the principal's office because my tights were too sheer and my knees would "distract male students from learning." My KNEES. I had OPAQUE BLACK TIGHTS ON that only showed a peek at my skin color when I was seated in a chair with my knees underneath a desk. I had to sit in the principal's office for nearly 35 minutes because my appearance (again, MY KNEES!!!!) may distract males from learning. Why did we need a Woman's March? Because it's getting old that women are being blamed for a man's inability to act because of what we are wearing. Because women are not inferior to men. Because that little girl sitting in class doodling in her notebook can grow up in a world knowing that her gender does not define what she is capable of. (And I want to clarify my belief on this topic: I did hear about the discord among the Pro-Life community and how they felt they weren't well represented at the March due to being removed as a partner. I understand how that must've been frustrating and I do believe it's wrong to not allow a Pro-Life group as a partner. But I also want to say that I have followed news of the march and have not heard any stories about Pro-Life marchers at the March who were outright disrespected by other marchers who had differing views. Read this if you think I just made this up. And I also want to clarify that I don't consider myself Pro-Life, but that doesn't mean that I believe abortions are right, either. I believe the woman should have the choice of what she can do to her body.) 

I also have seen posts about how "I am not a feminist because I want to marry, I want my husband to be the leader of the house, and have kids." YOU CAN STILL HAVE ALL THOSE THINGS AND BE A FEMINIST. The Merriam-Webster's dictionary defines feminism as: 
:  the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexesBoth sexes or whatever you identify as. It covers them all. It is not strictly only about women, it covers everyone. Feminism is not a belief that you can't have traditional values and beliefs, it's saying that you are free to have a family if you want and take on a traditional maternal role, and it's also saying that if you do not want to fulfill a traditional maternal role, that's cool, too! I am a Christian, I want to be a mother, I want to have a husband that takes control of the household and provides for me. That is what I want. But I believe that if a woman wants to live on her own or be the leader of her household, she can. It's saying that a woman is fully capable of doing whatever a man can do, thus making them equals. It's basically a theory on basic human rights. I truly, truly, recommend taking a Women & Gender Studies class if they offer it at your school. Your eyes will be opened. It's difficult at first. I didn't think I was a feminist when I started the class. All my "feminist" information came from articles written and shared online. That is not an accurate representation of feminism. Spending month's studying it opened my eyes to how tarnished the word is. I am a feminist. (And for the record, if you read this and still feel like you aren't a feminist; THAT IS OKAY. I just want people to realize what feminism actually is before they denounce it so harshly. Do accurate research on the topic and spend time collecting your own thoughts and then making your own opinion. We are all open to our own beliefs!) 
I will be honest with you, I am not thrilled with our president. Nothing he has ever said has made me feel safe and secure. If you disagree, that's completely okay. Us being different is what makes the world go round, different opinions are good. But can we please just, try to understand each other and respect beliefs? I can hardly log onto anything without seeing someone bashing the "liberals" and the "left." You know what? I am the left. I am this "idiotic, whiny, spoiled" group you are referring to in your derogatory posts. Your friend, your acquaintance, the girl that sits by you in class. That's me. You're name-calling someone you probably know and love deeply. And you know what? You don't know my true beliefs. You don't know what my life experiences have been that make me feel the way I do. Just like I don't know yours. I try my hardest not to pass judgment on people because not everyone grew up the way I did. I didn't grow up how you did. Our beliefs differ. We can still be friends. We can still be respectful towards one another without nasty name-calling. I don't think everyone who voted for Trump are "right-winged, conservative, morons." Many people I love dearly voted for him. Do I feel the need to call them morons? No! Even if I don't understand why you voted for him, I'm not going to shut you out as a person or call you names because of it. There are radicals in every religion or party you belong to, it doesn't mean you are the same as them. Can we just be nice?
There's also something that has been weighing me down for a while now, and I never want to mention it because of fear I will upset someone. But I feel it's important to bring up. I lean toward a more Democratic belief. Saying so, I'm not saying that I believe everything that Democrats stand for, and I'm also not saying that I disagree with all that Republicans stand for. But when it comes down to it, my belief system aligns more with the Democratic side. (More clarification: I prefer to look at how a particular person acts rather than a political party, meaning I don't just vote solely on what political party someone is in, but for the sake of this post, I am just focusing on the party because it is what this story revolves around.) What burns me up inside is that I was indirectly told once that "Democrats can't be Christians." This comment was not directed at me, but it was made (to my knowledge) without them knowing what my political beliefs were. I felt all sorts of anger and confusion. I had never questioned the two not "fitting" together until that moment. I became very aware of this apparent belief that many held in the months after it occurred. I was very confused. I kept my beliefs to myself because I didn't want friends or family members to think my political party wasn't "Christian." But who is to say who is a good Christian or not? You don't know what people do in private. You don't know how many nights they've cried out to the heavens just for an answer, or to just even feel like they weren't alone when they felt no one was there for them, possibly due to comments like this. All because someone doesn't outwardly talk about their religion to your face, doesn't mean they aren't Christians. And all because they have a particular belief about something regarding politics, doesn't mean they aren't Christians. We are not on this earth to condemn others, only God can do that. Our job while we're here is to love and serve others. If God wants to strike me down when I get to heaven because I am a "Democrat," then let him do it. No one will have to deal with it except for me, so I'm going on my merry way doing what I believe the Lord is telling me is right. The same goes for you. If you truly feel the Lord is telling you do something, you should listen to him and not let anyone steer you astray. 
Being religious on a college campus isn't easy, either, while we're somewhat on the topic. Once people find out you're a Christian, it always feels like they treat you different or think of you different. I know because it's happened often to me. I've spoken up in class about something I believed in, just to be shot down by someone who didn't have the same beliefs as me. Like I've said many times in this post, it's good to have different beliefs, but as Ms. Crick taught us in high school, there is an appropriate way to respectfully disagree with someone. This person was not that way toward me, and I believe that's why I took it so hard and still have a hard time getting over the whole situation. It made me afraid to speak out in class. I'm still trying to overcome that fear and stand firm in my beliefs and talk about them outwardly. I can tell people have been turned off by me because of my beliefs. When people realize you aren't going to go out and do certain things because you feel they are going against your beliefs, it's as if you are thought of as "perfect." (More on this later.) This story is still continuing. But what I do know is that God is still there, he still loves me, and he is still supporting me even when I know I disappoint him. 
I also think it's vital to open your mind to the world. Open your mind and realize there is more to the world than Middle Tennessee (or wherever you are right now.) The world is so so big. Learn about different people, learn about different practices, and learn about different religions. And let me clarify, you can be educated about different religions and still stand firm in your personal faith. I've learned about Buddhism, Islam, Paganism, to name a few, and never once have I considered converting. I believe being open to these religions and learning about them makes my mind more well-rounded, and I begin to understand their ways of life. I don't practice them or believe in them, (although in complete honesty, much of what I practice and believe in Christianity is at times similar to those other religions, because much of their beliefs are similar to Christian beliefs) but I still respect them and accept they exist. I want everyone in the world to know about Jesus. I want his name and his message to spread throughout the world. I can still want that and respect other religions. God called us to love. I will not ever hate a person for their religion, because I wouldn't want someone hating me for mine. 
And please, please, I beg of you, do not call me perfect. I've had friends and others tell me that my life seems "so perfect." I appreciate the somewhat compliment, but my life is far from it. I am blessed more than I deserve, with a close-knit family and a handful of good friends; but my life is not perfect. It may seem like that on the outside looking in, but trust me, it is not. The good Lord blessed me with a strong heart, one that has always made it possible for me to stand firm in my morals and not let people change me. But you don't realize that strong heart is also the one that makes me hurt so  much sometimes that it's unbearable. I have a mind that thinks so many thoughts a minute, over-analyzes, makes me feel pathetic almost constantly. You don't realize how many times I have to stay still and do breathing exercises just so I can build up the courage to leave my apartment. You don't realize that I get so panicky and worried about stuff that isn't even there/happening. I beat myself up for everything. I beat myself up because I left a note book at school by accident. I called myself an idiot for it and cried and told myself I'm not doing anything right. I am not perfect. No one is perfect. We are all living here on this world, just trying our hardest to make it through. I'm getting better one day at a time. Love and acceptance is the only thing that will heal us. 
All this is extremely hard for me to say. (My hands are ice cold while typing this, something that happens whenever I am afraid.) But I was tired of waking up every morning and going to bed every night feeling like the love I crave so bad for my community was slowly flowing away. I want to get a giant bucket and bring it all back. I didn't write this to be angry or to make you feel upset. I wrote this so you could  maybe see a different side of the situation, coming from someone who doesn't always enjoy speaking up about her beliefs. I want us to accept everyone even if they disagree with our opinions, let me rephrase that, WE NEED to accept everyone even if they disagree with our opinions. We need to rediscover that love that Christ instilled in us. The one that makes us tear up on Sunday morning because we are so full of love. We need to spread those happy tears to those who disagree with us. It's fine to disagree with others. We just desperately need to practice being kind to each other even if we do disagree. Realize that there are many more people in the world than those we know in our hometowns. Even if you aren't struggling with something that someone is fighting for, recognize that someone out there is going through it. Love those who persecute you. Love those who love you. Don't pass judgment if you haven't been through what someone is going through. Stand true to your beliefs, but don't beat someone else down for not seeing things exactly like you do. All because it isn't happening to you, doesn't mean it isn't happening. Educate yourselves. Talk to people who aren't like you. Share opinions. Accept people are different than you. Don't call people names. If you're feeling like you can't do any of these things, go out and get a cheeseburger and reconsider. Above all- Love.Love Love.
I'd like to end this on the lyrics from Bob Dylan's "Blowin' In The Wind," because whenever I'm needing peace or guidance, this song always pops up in my mind. 

How many roads must a man walk down

Before you call him a man?

How many seas must a white dove sail

Before she sleeps in the sand?

Yes, and how many times must the cannon balls fly

Before they're forever banned?

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind

The answer is blowin' in the wind

Yes, and how many years can a mountain exist

Before it's washed to the sea?

Yes, and how many years can some people exist

Before they're allowed to be free?

Yes, and how many times can a man turn his head

And pretend that he just doesn't see?

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind

The answer is blowin' in the wind

Yes, and how many times must a man look up

Before he can see the sky?

Yes, and how many ears must one man have

Before he can hear people cry?

Yes, and how many deaths will it take 'till he knows

That too many people have died?

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind

The answer is blowin' in the wind

-Rachel xx

A Pen & A Paint Brush.

I have been writing and creating art for as long as I can remember. I always kept the two separate, not really thinking they could go hand in hand. I wanted to combine the two somehow but wasn't really sure how to do it efficiently. A professor of mine this past semester had us write an Artist Statement to go along with our final projects. Mine was somewhat lengthy, as I can get pretty long-winded. I really wasn't thinking much of what I wrote. All I knew was that it came straight from the heart. I reckon my emotion towards the painting showed more than I imagined, because my professor encouraged me to do writings with all of my paintings/work. I was told it opened another realm that isn't obvious by just looking at my work. 

That little push made me realize that maybe the two can go hand in hand. 

So far, I only have two: the one from my final project and one from a painting I did tonight. I'd like to share them with you. :)

"This portrait, like much of my work, is an open curtain to the inner workings of my heart and mind. Images of celebrities are a common motif in my work and for a specific reason. Growing up, I always dreamed of performing or doing something unconventional. I watched movies and listened to music, often with tears in my eyes because I was so moved by the work I was witnessing from these people I would never meet. Creating images of these people somehow makes me closer to them. On my loneliest days these individuals were there for me the instant I needed them. My hand was being held. The thought of never being able to meet these inspirational individuals lead to me creating portraits of them. The sadness I feel once I remember that thought is what drives me to make these images, and that is also why I usually chose an expression that is more serious. I create these portraits as a small thank you for all that they’ve done for me. I see so much beauty in them that I often don’t see in myself, so creating these images somehow helps me see that beauty in myself.  I see reflections of myself in them, partially because they’re living a life I’ve dreamed of since I was a child."

"My heart was aching for something to make me feel again. A word, an action, something. I felt so low and like something was missing. The lights were off and my head was on the pillow, praying for clarity and peace. Music was playing softly right by my ear. My eyes closed and feeling each word. "Oh butterflies, you steal my sleep each night." Words that clung to me for days, weeks, months. A haunting precursor for future events. Haunting words that kept me hopeful through months of hardships. On repeat. Each time they danced around me, my skin shivered with the most pathetic, lovesick glee. It left me in a dreamlike atmosphere. The words were there when you weren't. The words that gave me a sense of love and belonging, one that I so desperately wanted from you." Lyrics in italics from James Bay's song "Need the Sun to Break" 

This one was obviously not as "professional" sounding, I guess you could say. The first was written to present in class and the latter was a scribbling in an notebook. Both equally from my heart and soul. 

I know I said I wouldn't be posting as much as usual and would be keeping more things to myself, but I felt inclined to post these. I hope you enjoyed. And I hope you realize these little celebrity portraits I do mean more to me than it may seem. Each stroke and dot and color comes with a lot of emotion. 

<3

-Rachel