I Can't Do It Anymore.

This is going to be shorter than my usual posts and I hope you understand what I'm saying. 

I cannot do this anymore. 

Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, all of these social media apps are squeezing me dry. Something I once loved and looked forward to being a part of is becoming the biggest soul-sucker in my life. 

I am not getting into a  political conversation, but I am so, so, so incredibly tired of all these presidential posts. I'm tired of logging onto Facebook and see people attacking one another for their beliefs. I don't agree with a lot of people's opinions I see on my feed, but you know what I do? I accept that it's their opinion, and move on. I rarely post any political beliefs because I know I'll be thought of negatively for it. People who were kind to me will start to treat me like my brain is made of green jello. And do not tell me they won't. I posted a painting I did of two African American girls holding hands during a Social Injustice Rally, literally the only somewhat controversial thing I've ever posted, and my intentions for it were immediately questioned by someone who I thought was accepting of me. A painting. Something I love to do was questioned because it made someone uncomfortable. 

And I'll tell you right now, I am no theologian, I'm no pastor, but I know that this is not how we are supposed to be acting. God told us to love. We are supposed to love everyone. Black, yellow, red, purple, polka-dotted, Republican, Democrat, Gay, Straight, smelly, clean, short, tall, loud, quiet, dancey. No matter who they are. If you agree with them or not. You are called to love them. We are not called to hate. And I've seen way too much hate. We are not representing God the way we should, and my heart is broken. (Disclaimer: Just in case anyone jumps my tail, I am not perfect & I'm not saying that I am. I make mistakes. I've been hateful toward people before that I shouldn't have. We all make mistakes. But it's time to change those hateful thoughts into love-filled ones.) 

I love being on here. I love looking at people's photos. I love sharing my art with you. But the amount of hatred I've seen lately is way too appalling to even continue to try to maneuver this whole social media thing. And before you say, "just block the people you don't like or are offensive, or hide their posts." I have. The hatred continues to surface from the most unlikely of places. The only way I know how to avoid it is stop feeding into the source, and learning to put my energy into other, more meaningful, things. 

I am just exhausted. I know it's silly to blame social media entirely, a good chunk of it is because I've struggled with insecurity since I was a tween. I've wanted to be accepted by someone or something for years. Social media is not it. Social media is not where I need to gain acceptance. Memories aren't made through social media. You won't remember the likes you got on your photo ten years from now. I still catch myself today looking through girl's Instagram pages that I know, many who are way more attractive than I'll ever be, racking up 200+ likes on every selfie they post. It makes my measly 25 look like dust on the ground (and I rarely get that many.) But that is so stupid! Likes? Someone's thumb tapping a heart shaped button is making me feel like I am not as pretty as these girls? Ugh. It's so dumb and I hate that I feed into it. I hate it so much.

Truly, I have found that spending time in other things that are not screen-related are so much more worthwhile. Indulging in things that seem somewhat dated now, such as writing, listening to records, thumbing through an antique store, taking a walk and talking actual words to an actual, living person...what a concept. I've begun to live like it is 2002 again. Using cellphones for communicating. Taking in things that can only be truly absorbed with your face towards the sun rather than toward a screen. Reading a Bible or a book instead of a news story that won't benefit me. 

Saying this, I'm not just disappearing completely. I'm still going to be on here every once in a while. I still want to write and post my drawings for you. I'm just cutting it out enough where I can learn to enjoy life again. Enjoy it the way I did when I was seven, running around my fence picking up acorns and pretending I was Lizzie McGuire. Back when I loved everything and everybody in my life. I'm ready to get back to that.