Here Comes the Sun.

This is a very spur of the moment thing, so I apologize for any misspellings or things of the sort. I want to write a more detailed post later, but this will do for now.

Nearing seven months ago now, someone entered my life that transformed my life for the better. I never realized drawing a little photo could pull someone into my life that was going to make me feel like the happiest person alive. To feel so so so lucky every day that someone is there in my corner, rooting for me and believing in me. 

For the past week and a half I've been struggling with some personal demons that have proven difficult to ignore. It truly felt like all the happiness and love that I had built up in my life had crumbled overnight. It was and still is terrifying to think about. I felt alone, like no one was there for me and I felt like no one understood. 

It took me a couple days to realize, Rachel... there's this person who is thousands of miles away, someone you can't physically be with yet, but they are still there for you. Through all your tear-filled phone calls and FaceTimes, they are there. They are not giving up on you. Even through harsh things you may have uttered out of confusion and frustration, they stayed there. They looked at you with nothing but love and stayed. They watched you cry even though you could tell it was painful for them. They stayed up late if you wanted to talk, even when you were talking in circles. They were upfront with you but never rude. They gave you reassurance when you needed it most. They made jokes during hard moments in hopes of making you smile. They played music and sang for you to help you fall asleep, just because they knew you love to be sang to. Their image of you never changed even though you feared it did. I was so scared they would run far far away from me, but they didn't. He is still here. He's the first to congratulate me on my successes and the first to comfort me when I encounter a loss. And I kick myself for the times I take his love and support for granted.

I didn't just gain what I hope to be my forever life partner, but I gained a best friend, a confidant. And through him I gained an amazing group people who have become like my little support group, a group of lovely friends who encourage me to be better everyday. Who make me feel like it's okay to be myself because I'm already more than loved because of who I am. 

Long distance is hard. Every morning I wake up I have to face the cruel fact that I can't physically be with the one I desperately want to be with. I'm hopeful this year will bring many changes, positive happy changes that will make my life more beautiful. I am very hopeful, but also very terrified. 

My heart wells when it thinks about the little family I already have all the way out in California. I have two families in two of my favorite places, Nashville and Los Angeles, who support me more than I feel like I deserve. I promise your love doesn't go unnoticed, I just sometimes have a hard time believing I truly deserve it. I'm working on that, I promise. 

I am going to be okay. 

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun, and I say
It's all right

Above image made by my dear Daniel Vega-Warholy. <3