Last Friday.

 

 

 

 

Last Friday was the first day I felt like this is where I needed to be.

 

I went to my Drawing class as usual. I forced myself out of bed and walked over to the art building. I set my supplies down and sat in my metal stool. I wasn't very excited for class, if I'm honest. I was tired and just wanted to crawl back in bed. My professor walked in, greeted us, then said we weren't going to be drawing boxes anymore. (We've been drawing boxes for two weeks and were all so sick of it.) We were told to grab our things and find a place outside to sit and draw whatever was in front of us. We haven't really had any artistic freedom in Drawing so far, we've been doing a lot of practices and basic skill drawings. I was pretty excited and walked outside with my class. I walked down some concrete stairs and found a metal table and chairs. I sat down and began drawing.

 

Two hours. Two hours I sat at the little metal table and drew. I don't think I've ever been as focused on a drawing as I was on the one above. Despite all the people that walked by, I stayed focused on my subject. I had this overwhelming feeling that this is where I needed to be. I felt at home. The time flew by, it didn't even feel like two hours. My professor looked up and gave me a five minute warning, I was like, "what?" It felt like I had only been sitting there for five minutes.

 

All in all, I just felt so peaceful. The picture above is where I sat for two hours. There are days here that I feel like I don't belong, but I'm trying to hold to that Friday. This is where I need to be at this time in my life.

 



September 11th.

There has been quite a lot on my mind lately. I started college, I've been studying for quizzes and trying to finish up art projects. I looked at my calendar last night and realized that 9/11  is today. I sat and thought for a while. I couldn't believe it's already been 13 years.

I was five years old on September 11, 2001. I don't remember a play by play of the day, I was too young to comprehend anything about the events that were happening around me. I have faint memories of the knowledge that something was happening. I'm sure I was painting or playing with toys in class when the news broke. I also have a faint memory of leaving school early, again, not knowing why. I remember sitting in our living room coloring while the TV was on. I do have vivid memories of seeing the planes crash on the TV. Again, having a 5-year-old mind I really didn't get what was happening and I went back to coloring.

School went on as normal in the following weeks. I remember, so clearly, one day we were each assigned a color to wear for a picture we were going to take. The colors were red, white, and blue. I believe I was assigned white. I remember my mom coming to school with a white shirt on as well. I think my friend Shelby had white on, too. I remember so vividly heading outside in the parking lot to take the picture. I remember it being an extremely sunny day. I remember holding the hands of Shelby and my mom. I remember laughing a lot and seeing everyone smile. We were assembled in rows. I looked up at a man on a cherry-picker thing with a camera. He snapped the picture. We all got the picture back a little while later. We were formed into a giant American flag. My favorite thing about the picture was that our rows weren't straight, there were gaps, and those imperfections just showed the innocence of all of the kids at our school. Most of us younger kids didn't know what was going on, but we were all happy to be together and make this beautiful picture. We were smiling, holding hands, we were just, together. I miss that childlike innocence, especially in a time like that. It was such a beautiful memory and I'm so happy that I was a part of it and can remember it vividly. Even though I still was unsure about all that was happening around me. We were together in that moment and that's all that mattered.

I still have the picture, and am absolutely gutted that I can't put it in this post right now. (I'm currently at school and my box of pictures is at home.) I also remember singing patriotic songs throughout elementary school. Everyone was so passionate about our country. We did so many patriotic inspired plays and things. I am incredibly saddened that I feel like that sense of pride in our country has faded over the years.

It wasn't until years later that I realized what had happened that late summer day. Every year in elementary school and a little in middle school we would watch something on TV about it, draw pictures or color something in memory of the event. In high school we always had a longer moment of silence and things along those lines. I couldn't believe that had actually happened. I had been alive when that happened.

Now that I'm in college, I can somewhat imagine what people must've been feeling the day it happened. People who weren't 5-year-olds playing with toys oblivious to everything, those who were frightened and confused. I actually take back my first sentence in this paragraph, I can't imagine how people were feeling. I can't imagine being a teacher and having to explain what was happening or to put on a happy face to not worry the students. I am so thankful for my kindergarten teacher for making sure we didn't know what was going on and got us all home safely. I am thankful for the people in my school and community who came together and showed me that we were strong and connected, even in the wake of a tragedy. I am thankful for parents who, even though we had the TV on, didn't make it the topic of conversation that would possibly worry my sister and me. I am just so thankful for the overwhelming outpouring of strength and unity that my town displayed after the event, even though don't live that close to New York. I remember it so vividly. I know I'm overusing that word, but it's the only word that seems to describe the memories.

We will never forget. No matter how many years pass, how many people try to erase it from their memory, no matter how many people make up ridiculous theories about what happened, it did happen and we cannot let it slip from memory. It was the day our country nearly fell apart but then immediately glued back together. No matter what you think about this country, its leaders, anything, we need to scrap all of those sour feelings and remember this day. Pray for those who lives were forever changed by this event. Pray for our country and our people. Pray for everyone. Just spend some time in thought. Even a couple minutes of reflection is better than none at all.

Always in our hearts.

________

I always  like to incorporate music into blog posts, whether it's listening to something as I write or including music that I feel goes along with the post. Here are some songs that came to mind while writing.

 I know some seem very random, they are just songs that reminded me of that time, what was going on in my life at the time, and other songs that are just comforting to listen to.

1. By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North
2. You've Got a Friend in Me by Randy Newman
3. Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning) by Alan Jackson
4. New York, New York by Frank Sinatra
5. Have You Forgotten? By Darryl Worley
6. Something to Be Proud Of by Montgomery Gentry
7. God Bless the USA by Lee Greenwood
8. For These Times by Martina McBride
9. In God We Still Trust by Diamond Rio
10. Been Here All Along by Hannah Montana

I remember listening to 3-9 growing up, we always had country radio on.

I'm sorry if this post is not the most organized. There are a lot of emotions flooding back now and I really needed to write them out.

<3
Rachel

I'm in College?!

Well, it's happening....

I am officially a college freshman. That sounds so peculiar to hear for some reason, am I really this far in life already? I still don't feel old enough, though I am happy I've seen a lot taller girls than me walking around campus. (So happy I'm not considered "the tallest girl in school" anymore.)

I have been here since Thursday, August 21st. Most of you already know from my numerous Facebook/Twitter/Instagram posts, but it was an extremely emotional day for me. The thought of living on my own in a dorm with a ton of people I don't know absolutely scared me. I now had my own little place to call my own, a little lofted twin bed that I was switching for my full bed. (Still not used to it, but I did sleep very well last night, so it's getting better!) I decorated my room as homey as a could, adorned with plenty of stuffed animals, pictures, quotes/verses, and of course, lots of pink and scattered things related to One Direction. I felt really homey at first, but once it hit me that my parents were about to leave, the tears began rolling. I cried a lot, off and on. It was definitely a day I wish I could forget. I had never felt more miserable and alone as I did that Thursday afternoon. I had barely eaten anything since Tuesday due to being to anxious. Everything that seemed so familiar began slipping away from me. My little hometown, my room I've lived in since I was a toddler, waking up to my mom vacuuming or my dad talking, it was all gone sooner than I ever thought it would be. I'd rather not go into any more detail, let's just sum it up with, my first day here was one of the worst days I've had in a while.

I woke up Friday still feeling a little sick to my stomach. I took a pepto (a little personal, but hey, we're all friends here) and got ready for my day. We had freshmen convocation. I was pretty nervous, but seeing other people that seemed just as nervous as me was strangely comforting. I didn't feel alone anymore. I got a free t-shirt and headed towards my new art family here. I was in group 47, and don't believe anything my school may tell you, those 70 groups were not in order. It took me about 10 minutes just to find my group. I asked another leader and he told me, "your group is the one by the tree where the blonde girl in the red shirt is standing." Well, I reckon he didn't realize that that description was HALF THE PEOPLE STANDING OUTSIDE THAT DAY. I just nodded and walked off, still confused. I saw group 46 and asked them where my group was, I came to find out it was on the other side of the big circle we were all standing around. I hiked it over there and found my group. It was small, but homey feeling. I could tell we were all kind of, for lack of a better word, outcasts. But in my overly-sentimental, cheesy way of seeing things, I believe we were all in the same group for a reason. We all got along extremely well. There were many laughs and stories we told one another. One guy in my group said that, "We are a family, us art kids have to stick together." Which warmed my heart in ways you couldn't imagine. Finally! A family I was a part of, and we all genuinely liked each other. We were all different but we fit together like a puzzle. Meeting them really made me feel like I did belong here. I had such a fun time with them for the few hours we had to spend together, but I was a little upset when I learned a lot of the art kids were commuters, so I haven't seen them on campus since Friday, so many of the events I went to, none of them were there.

Friday was the first day that there were some big events planned. I attended a few of them with my roommate and another friend I know here. We sat outside of "Casino Night", mainly because none of us knew how to play any of the card games. After "Casino Night" I had another rough night, which resulted in a pretty lengthy phone call with my mom. I started feeling homesick again. I tried to suck it up and we headed to another event, the "Ice Cream Social." We got there about 10 minutes after it started and they were already out of ice cream, we weren't very happy. We went and sat at a table and talked for a few then went back to relax in our dorms. My homesickness plagued me most of that day, but I was hoping it'd blow over soon.

Saturday, I was awoken to a knock at the door at about 9am. I assumed it was our RA and went to sleep. I fell back asleep for about 10 minutes and then woke up again to look at my phone, I had a missed call from an unknown number and from my mom. I was really confused so I called my mom back. Long story short, a car had broken down behind me and a wrecker had to come to move it, but my car was in the way. So campus police was knocking on my door and calling me asking to move my car. I slithered out of bed and threw on extremely mismatched clothes (I was still half asleep!) and walked outside where I was eventually greeted by campus police, who apologized for waking me up and then thanked me for moving my car. I came back in my dorm and ate some breakfast. We didn't have any events planned for early in the day, so after we ate, my roommate and I walked around campus to find our classes. We found them all and are so thankful that none of them are far from our dorm at all.

Later Saturday afternoon/night, we attended the block party. It wasn't the funnest thing, but it was pretty entertaining watching a bunch of people run around playing laser tag. I had worn my One Direction Where We Are concert tshirt that day, and I got stopped by an upperclassmen and we talked about how amazing the concert was. It was also reassuring to know that I'm not the only One Direction fan on campus, I felt like people had been looking at me weird for my shirt all day, so that was pretty comforting.

Another friend of mine and I went out to the Luau that was being held at the campus pool. I felt really out of place because it was full of fraternities and sororities. I really don't have any interest in joining one, I know they are great and it helps makes friends, but I just know in my heart that it isn't the place I want to be. They were really nice girls even though I think I offended one of them by thinking she was 19 when she was actually 21. (That's why you never ask someone, "how old do you think I am?") But hey, we got free leis and free food so it was a good time. My supper Saturday night consisted of a cookie, a soft pretzel, meatballs, chicken on a stick, fruit, and water. Not much of a supper but hey, it was free.

It's now Sunday and I woke to a lot of my decorations falling down, including my flower garland I made basically on top of me when I woke up. Not going to lie to you, I didn't wake up till about 11. I'm trying to enjoy sleeping in since these past few days were the only days that I could. Tomorrow is my first class, which begins at 8am. I'm going to make sure that I eat plenty today and get a good night's rest so I am awake and ready for tomorrow.

I want to thank every one of you that has sent good wishes and prayers my way. You have no clue how much it means to me. I've written them all down and taped them on my desk and pinned them to my corkboard that's right by my bed, so when I wake up I see them right away. And thank you all who have listened to me when I confided in you, sat through my long phone calls of me being overly-worrisome, and for just always being there. It means more to me than anything else in this world and is a big reason why I finally feel better being here and gives me motivation to succeed. I love you all so so so much. <3

And I just wanted you all to know, I have been eating,  I have been feeling much happier. I can tell that I've gotten my appetite back, because I was sitting in bed last night and felt as if I was starving, which hasn't happened in over a week now. I know there are still going to be some hard days ahead, but I finally feel that I can face them. God has been with me through this, and I've been feeling your prayers. I am forever thankful.

And I just checked my email, I already have an assignment that's due Thursday. And so it begins!

Rachel xx

A Reflection: Summer 2014.

Well, my summer vacation has come to an end. This vacation has been the longest one I've had since kindergarten, no joke. I've been out since May 9th, and it is now August 20th. Wowza. I've been so blessed to have such a great summer, so many things have happened, good and bad, but the good definitely outweighed the bad.

May.The last day of highschool was absolutely amazing for me. I got several hugs from people I never expected, which made the day even more special. There were so many smiles all around and it was lovely to see. It's a moment I'll never forget.

My graduation party was one of the highlights of my year so far. I got to see family, new friends, old friends,  church friends, and some people I hadn't seen in a while who were an absolute surprise when they showed up. I had started out that morning feeling a little, bleh, but once I started seeing people I loved I couldn't stop smiling.

Graduation was indescribable. I got to walk out on the field between two people that I've known since elementary school, and as cheesy as it sounds, it was so special to me. My favorite picture from graduation is the one where we're walking on the field, I have the biggest smile on my face. I felt so on top of the world in that moment, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I spent all night after graduation with my family, which is my favorite way to spend time. Especially with my family, never a dull moment!

June.
My first college experience. Scary stuff. I was very nervous and still am, but I'm praying it'll turn out just fine.

Nothing too monumental happened in June, but I remember being extremely happy.

July.
We went back to Michigan and it was absolutely gorgeous. We had a small vacation, only about three days, but it was beautiful. It was very chilly there compared to the Tennessee summer. Michigan as absolutely beautiful, I recommend you visit.

The 4th of July was fun. The 4th always reminds me of childhood, there is something so magical about it. The sparklers are always my favorite. And I got to see my grandparents and visit with them for a long time, which is very special to me.

I don't know if any of you are familiar with the Vine app, but if you are, you probably know a 20-something dude named Nicholas Megalis. (If not, google him, you won't regret it.) He is one of the funniest people I've ever seen, and I've had such a school girl crush on him ever since I found him. I got on Twitter one night right as he posted a tweet talking about a follow spree. With low hopes, I retweeted him, not expecting anything of it due to many failed attempts before. I got back on later on and saw that I had a notification. Well, low and behold it was Mr. Megalis. Granted, he followed 200+ people, but hey, I was one of them.

Another cool thing that happened, my favorite girl group is Little Mix. I had posted an edit on Tumblr of two of the members, Jesy Nelson & Leigh Anne Pinnock. Again, not thinking anything of posting it, I had posted pictures tons of times before. I was scrolling through Jesy's Instagram one day when something caught my eye, she had posted my edit on her Instagram. I stared at it for probably 10 minutes, comparing it to the original picture and making sure that it was my edit; and it was. I have no idea how she found it, but I am still so happy she did.

August.
August was probably the busiest, most exciting month. I finally went swimming, I hadn't been swimming all summer. Those are the times that I wish I had a pool, haha!

I also saw one of my best friends from preschool/elementary school, I hadn't seen her in four years so it was so amazing that we got to catch up and eat a burger. (Can't ever forget burgers.) It was very bittersweet, we are both in college now and I'm not sure the next time we'll see one another again, but I know we will. This friendship has been alive too long to fizzle out completely. You can never lose friends like that.

In the middle of the month we spent a week at my Grandma's house. Summer vacation at her house is always one of my favorite parts of the year. There was a lot of quality time spent with family, laughing and eating, and even just sitting together. We did all of the things we usually go out and do, get ice cream at Brusters, go to the beach, and visit my Grandpa. I am so incredibly blessed to have such an amazing family. I wouldn't trade them for anything. And I know I don't say it much, but I love all of you so much, you don't know how much your words and everything go with me everywhere I go.

Yesterday, I saw five boys that I have loved since early 2012. Five boys who've oddly made me feel like I'm beautiful and that I can be loved by someone. (Don't judge me, haha.) These five boys are One Direction. I'm not going to get too much into it, I'll just keep rambling on, but it was one of the best nights of my entire life. I still can't believe I saw them. So entertaining, so talented, just so lovely.

And now, as I'm sitting here typing this, watching Jimmy Fallon and praying everything goes okay tomorrow, I am so happy that my summer was spent happily. (A bit redundant, Rachel.) I didn't do all the things I wanted to do, but I did do the things that I needed to do.

As I start etching onto a new stone of my life, I hope everything goes yabba-yabba-tastic. (I was trying to be cool and make some Flinstones references but it didn't work.) As much as I'm scared, I have faith that this will be the start of some exciting things in my life.

Goodbye summer, hello fall.

 

 

xx Rachel

An Open Letter to Upcoming Seniors.

It's your year to shine. This is one of the best times of your life.

Dear seniors, and any other high school student who may read this,

 

You are one step closer to graduating. Congratulations! It is really exciting, and I'm proud of you for getting this far. As you head into another year of high school, there are a few things I've learned over my years as a high school student that I'd like to share with you.

 

1. Get involved.

I know you all hear this all the time. "Come to events! Join a club! Participate!" Hearing those phrases over and over can get annoying, but listen to them. School flat out stinks if you just go to classes and then drive home and eat Cheetos the rest of the day. (Well, that doesn't sound too bad, but you don't wanna spend every afternoon with cheeto covered fingers.) Just be a part of something. It can be a big commitment such as a club or even just attending a football game. Doing things at the school and being surrounded by classmates makes you feel like you are a part of the school. You'll swell with pride for your school and you'll find yourself cheering at football games even if you don't understand what is going on. (i.e. me at every football game I attended.) I know it's scary, I know it can be uncomfortable, but you know what? Look at that picture up there. I was only close friends with two people on that float. Two. But riding that senior float with my classmates was one of the best memories of my senior year. I felt like I was connected with them even though most of us weren't that close of friends.

I also spent a lot of my high school years setting up for dances and decorating the school for events. The only dance I ever went to was Prom, but you know what? I had so much more fun decorating for dances and working the dances than I would have if I had just gone to the dance. I made a lot of memories staying after school getting things ready for the first day, spirit weeks, Homecoming, everything. Those are also some of my favorite memories from high school. I can't tell you how many nights we would all just get delusional at school and end up in laughing fits as we blew up balloons or painted signs. Clubs are just fun and get you connected with people. I made friends with people I never thought I'd be friends with. And you get in free to a lot of school events if you're a part of setting them up. I never paid for a winter formal, football game, or powder puff game because I was always working it. And if you're thinking, "but it's too late now to sign up for anything." If no clubs are taking applications anymore, ask your friends that are in those clubs if you can help them do anything. Or just go to an event and cheer for your school. Bottom line, just be a part of something. School will be much more enjoyable if you're having fun. These days don't last forever, make the most of them.

 

2. Do something out of your comfort zone.

The only way I can explain this is an example, so I apologize for the story, haha!

I've never felt completely comfortable in front of a crowd, but I had always wanted to do the Prom Fashion Show at school. February came around and sign ups for the show came around. I really wanted to do it but felt really nervous about it. I didn't want to regret not doing it, so I signed up. I was a bit anxious because I knew we had to dance on stage and model our dresses. After a one (yes only one!) night of practice and many nerves later, it was time to perform. This was another situation where I wasn't really close to everyone in the show, so I felt like I'd get kind of ignored a little bit. It was the exact opposite. I found out that everyone else that I thought would be fearless modeling were actually just as, or even more nervous than I was. We all calmed one another down backstage and cheered each other on. We'd watch one another and root for each other backstage and helped each other if we forgot a move or couldn't get the moves right. For a week I felt like I had this huge family. My heart is pounding right now thinking of how exhilarating the whole experience was. I never felt more beautiful or confident. From that moment on, I felt like I could do those kind of things. It broke down a wall in my life that had been holding me in. Bottom line, do something that seems scary to you. You may end up loving it and remembering it forever. (And if you're thinking of doing the show but aren't sure, DO IT. This is me telling you to. I want you all to feel that way, too.)

 

3. You do not have to party and drink to have fun.

I know a lot of people who feel this way, and it hurts my heart. There are so many things you can do to have fun without drinking/drugs/partying. I'm not going to get into the whole "drugs and alcohol are bad" speech, because I know you all know it. There are just so many other fun things you can do that don't involve trashing your insides. Go out and eat with your friends. Take tons of pictures and scrapbook them all. Decorate a Christmas tree. (Even if it isn't Christmas, Christmas can be all year round!) Go shopping. Go swimming. Send someone a letter. Have a dance party with yourself or friends to High School Musical music. Make food. I know the "cool" crowd is partying and stuff and you wish you were a part of that, but it isn't all it's cracked up to be. I've seen more issues and fights blossom in people's relationships due to things they did at a party. It isn't worth it. Bottom line, make memories that you'll remember and won't be ashamed to tell people about. Get "turnt up" on gummy worms and Mountain Dew instead.

 

 

4. Be young.

One of my biggest struggles in school was thinking I had to grow up quick. I wanted to feel adult and grown up. I often get called an old soul, but you can still be an old soul and be young. Go out on adventures. Watch Disney Channel and don't be ashamed that you still laugh at the jokes. Even if you are in a circumstance where you have to grow up quick, stay young at heart. Bottom line, don't lose the childish wonder in you. Be curious, love life, and keep your childhood imagination.

 

5. Don't worry about boys.

I spent waaaaaaaaay too much time worrying about having a boyfriend. I was never one of those girls who got a ton of attention from guys, so I kind of wanted it. I never really showed it, but I wanted some prince charming to swoop in and sweep me off my feet. I know people usually say middle school is the awkward time in your life, but high school can be, too. You're trying to find yourself and finding out who you want to be, you don't need a guy in those decisions. Don't worry if no one is sending you "good morning" texts or asking you to prom, (which segways into my sixth topic...)

 

6. Don't worry if you don't have a date for prom.

A few months before prom, I was wondering if I'd get asked. Never happened. All of my guy friends/acquaintances already had dates. Lovely. I felt like I was super unlikable or something. A month before prom tickets were due, no date. (I did tweet Harry Styles asking him to go with me to no avail. Thanks, dude.) Three weeks before tickets were due, no date. A week before tickets were due, no date. Well, it was Valentine's Day and prom tickets were due, no date. I bought two tickets just in case Harry responded to my tweet. (Well, not the exact reason, but we'll go with that.) Long story short, I ended up going with two of my girl friends. And you know what? BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE. We had so much fun together and laughed a lot and we looked like princesses. I ate strawberries and drank fancy juice while I was in my favorite dress and was surrounded by friends. It was one of the most special nights of my life. Bottom line, boys aren't everything. Don't let them make you sad. And don't worry if you don't have a prom date, go with your friends and make it a night to remember. (yes, intentional High School Musical reference.)

 

7. Respect your teachers.

Don't make their job hard. Listen to them. Do the work. They aren't there to fail you, even though I know a lot people who thought that/still think that. I have yet to meet a teacher who was just overjoyed with giving students failing grades. They much rather see you succeed than fail. Don't talk during powerpoints even though they may not be exciting. Teachers and other adults in the building are actually fun and helpful. I'm not saying you have to love all your teachers and love their class, I understand that some people's attitudes just don't mesh well with the teachers and how they carry class, but be respectful. Ask questions if you're confused. Do extra credit. Bottom line, just be nice to teachers and be respectful. Leave good impressions. You may need a letter of recommendation sometime in the future and it's better to have multiple people you can ask rather than none. Just be nice.

 

8. Be yourself.

If there is one thing in school that I'm proud of, it's that I never let my peers or anything else taint my mind and my actions. Yes, I slipped up a lot. I was not perfect. But there was always the voice in the back of my head going, "do you, just do you." Be yourself. Listen to your heart. You love combat boots but someone says they're ugly? Wear them anyway. Don't let other's opinions affect how you are. Be you. Listen to the Hannah Montana soundtrack even if people are laughing at you. Bottom line, do what makes you happy. Be who you want to be. Listen to that voice inside you, don't change for anyone. And always make sure you have some me-time. Make sure you are happy with yourself and don't compare yourself to others. You are awesome. Go you!

 

9. Trust in the sweet Lord above.

Losing your faith happens a lot, especially when you're surrounded by people who may not be the best people to be around. Try to read God's word everyday and pray even about the smallest things. Pray when you're scared and when you're happy. I went through many dark patches during school where I felt like God had left me and I felt hopeless. But you know what? God never left in those moments. He was right there with me. You have to reach out for him and trust him even when things get rough. He'll help you through it. Bottom line, remember His timing is always perfect and He is on your side. He loves you.

 

Enjoy these years, smile a lot, take pictures, get involved, dance around, do what makes you happy. Make these four years and especially your senior year amazing. It feels so good to look back on high school and think, "those were the best days of my life." Always try to keep a positive mindset and just be happy. If you ever need someone to talk to about school or anything else, I'm always here for you. <3

 

Sincerely,

Rachel xx 

Preparing for College.

Hiya! I know quite a few of you seemed very interested in my first college post I made couple months ago, so I decided to do a little update since I'm moving in my dorm in less than a month.  (shrieks) I'd prefer to write everyone a letter about everything, but this is much easier! 

I have encountered a ton of worries in preparing for college. Even though worries are usually never good, I'm happy that my worries have come in stages. Initially, I was extremely nervous about living somewhat on my own and living in a dorm. I spent a lot of time in prayer about it, and now I am really excited to decorate my little space I'm going to be in for the next year. I've already gotten all the little things I need to make my dorm home, so I'm very excited. I will post pictures once I move in! I know some of you are nosy and want to see those things, I know I am. :p 
My current worry is about my classes. I know they are going to be much tougher than high school. I feel like I can handle them, but then again I'm a bit scared. I have classes Monday through Friday and many of my classes are 2-3 hours long. (I'll explain my schedule in a bit!) I can't really explain how I feel about classes, I just keep worrying about how well I'll do. I know it'll all turn out okay once I get there. Just gotta have faith!

Now onto the fun stuff!

I am thankful to be rooming with one of my good friends from high school, whose name is also Rachel. (How cool is that?) I'm excited that I can start this new journey with a friend, it makes this whole thing a lot less scary. 

We're living in a co-ed dorm. I'm not sure if it's an all freshmen dorm or not, but I think mostly freshmen live there. Our rooms have two XL-Twin beds that are flat on the ground. We aren't allowed to get bed-raisers for them, which is totally okay because those bed-raiser things freak me out, hahah! I am quite thankful for a XL-Twin, since my 5'8 or so self doesn't really fit too well on a normal twin. So yay! I'm also very thankful that we have a bathroom in our room. We will have to share it with two other girls, so it's basically two rooms to one bathroom. So happy that I can shower in my room and I don't have to walk down the hallway adorned in a polka-dotted robe. Our dorms also come with two closets with wooden doors, a desk and chair, and a small dresser. The dorm floors are tile, similar to the floors at a high school, and the walls are lovely brick-o-blocks. There are no kitchens in our dorm, though. We are allowed to have a fridge and a microwave, and any other kitchen device that isn't an open heat source. So most of my meals will be eaten in the cafeteria. Another reason I'm excited is because my art teacher from high school stayed in the same dorms that I'm staying in. She has been such an inspiration to me and I love that I feel like I'm carrying on a tradition in a way. I'm overly sentimental, please excuse me! :p All in all, I really like our dorms and am excited to live there. 

I signed up for classes in the beginning of June while at orientation. It was a lot of fun because I got to sign up with everyone else in my major. We all got along really well, even though most of them were theater arts majors while I am a stuido arts major. We all had the same vibe and personalities and it was extremely heartwarming to know that there are people there that I feel like I've already connected with. Anyway, I'm taking 16 hours. (heavy breathing) I signed up for three different art classes, math, English, and a mandatory freshmen class to get to know the school. I'm very excited to be taking three different art classes, even though one of my professors said he didn't recommend it. My art classes range anywhere from 2-3 hours and he said they can be a bit overwhelming. My choice was either another art class or public speaking. I wanted to get used to the college before I took public speaking, so I chose a 3 hour art class instead. (Which I didn't realize until afterwards, but I'm hoping it'll be fine!) Thankfully my math and English classes are only 50 minutes long. My classes start everyday at 8am and on most days I'll be done with classes by 3pm or so. I made sure I had time in between classes to eat and recoup, so I think it'll all be okay. I am still very nervous for my classes, but I know it's just me over-thinking. It'll all be smooth as butter soon! Just gotta get used to it.

Another exciting thing: I have a job on campus. YES. A job. I received a work-study scholarship, meaning that I have to work in the art department for an hour a week and I get paid in scholarship money. I'm not sure what I'll be doing, I get my assignment on the first week of school, but I am very excited to get involved in my school and department. And only an hour a week, not too shabby!

This next little thing may sound stupid, but it's something that I've been thinking about since I graduated in May.
I am so happy there is no more dress code. As cliche as it sounds, I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me. Ever since my junior year when the infamous "your knees will distract the male students" incident, I felt like I couldn't wear what I liked because it would be "distracting" or something. (Mind you, my outfit that dreadful day was all black, and I had tights on, that were black. Let's just insert a picture here of that day. I was kind of crying because 1. that was the first time I was sent to the office in my 12 years of school, and 2. I felt really cute that day and I to call my mom to bring me pants, and 3. I missed like an 30 minutes of Spanish class because my knees are promiscuous apparently.)

ANYWAY. Ever since I graduated I felt like I could 100% be myself. My knees can be distracting as I want now. (Totally kidding.) But I really do feel like I can just wear what makes me happy without feeling like people are judging me. Clothes are my favorite way to express myself and I'm glad there are no rules saying what I can and cannot wear. And I'm happy that I finally don't care what people think of my clothes and I wear what makes me happy. And before you think, "so are you letting your inner streetwalker out, are ye Rachel?" No, haha I'm not! I'm just letting my inner "I can wear tights without getting sent to the office" look come out. 

Even though I'm kind of worried about college, there is also loads of excitement piled in as well. I'm so pumped to start this new adventure and find myself even further in this journey. Hopefully this little girl from a small town can finally find her place in this world, and hopefully a lotta art is involved. :) And I'm sure I'll be consuming a lot of mac-n-cheese, popcorn, and hot chocolate.

And I forgot to mention: I move in Thursday, August 21st, and my first day of class is Monday, August 25th. I will most likely be home every weekend, since my school isn't that far away from home. 

I'll always be a Bobcat, but I'm ecstatic to become a Gov. <3

-Rachel xx 

Thankful.

As I'm sitting on my bed, listening to Christmas music and looking through old cards, some things began to skip around in my mind...

I've been feeling kind of down lately with college coming up and some other things. I've been having body issues (insecurities and such) and have been doubting myself way too much. This usually happens when I start feeling lonely and thinking no one really cares to be around me. The sunshine begins to dim and I just feel, for lack of a better word, poopy. 

But, you know what?

As I was looking through graduation cards and other old cards, I realized, I am not alone. I was rereading all of these thoughtful, loving words that my family, friends, and church family took the time to write for me, and it nearly brought tears to my eyes. The fact that y'all sat down and wrote these things out and took the time to send a card or say a kind word just means heaps to me. I can hardly explain how happy it makes me feel. I hope you all realize that I keep everything that is sent to me, cards, notes, whatever, I put them all in a box and reread them often. I cherish every thing written, down the the last stroke of the pen. 

That's one thing I love about cards: someone took the time to write something down, slap a stamp on that bad boy, and mail it to you. There is so much thought in cards and it just, I wish I was more eloquent with my words so I could explain this better. Cards just make me smile SO much. That's why I love making cards and sending them to people, I know how they make me feel, so I'm hoping by sending one others will have that same joyous feeling. 

I know this was a bit of a roundabout way of saying this, but I am so thankful for all of you. I'm thankful for your love, your encouragement, your belief in me, and even your interest in reading my poorly-put together blog. Every single one of you have impacted me and I am forever grateful. Thank you for your support of me through this rocky stage in my life, where I'm beginning to find myself and start writing a brand new chapter. I seriously do love you all, even if I've only known you for a short time or for a long time. I know I sound redundant but I would bake all of you cookies and go deliver them to your house if I knew how to bake and had all of your addresses.

I hope I continue to make you all proud and I thank God for you every single day. 

-Rachel xx

Enjoy a gif of the lovely Harry Styles blowing you all a kiss.