It's crazy to think that Christmas day has now come and gone. If you know me well, you know that I'm in a hardcore Christmas depression. As soon as I wake up Christmas morning I get a tinge of sadness because I know in a few hours that our Christmas morning will be over and we won't see it again until next year. I try to hold onto it as long as I can. I have to repeatedly tell myself that the Christmas season actually ends on January 6th, so I still have time to be jolly. I plan on bringing that jolliness into the new year and for the months to come until December 25th rolls around again.
As much as I want to talk about Christmas, this isn't what this post is about. Well, it's partially about it. I wanted to do a "year in review" type deal. I think it's important to look back on your year and focus on the beautiful things that happened, but not be afraid to acknowledge the bad things and to grow from them.
This has been a hard year for many people. I actually believed it was a hard year for everyone, but then I saw some talking about how this was the best year of their life. That's when I learned not to lump a whole year based on other's experiences. For me, this year was equally lovely and equally rough.
January: The Month of Snow
My little heart was so happy to see this sight. If it was winter all year round, I'd be happy. I love the cold and the snow. I don't love the ice. But when my little eyes saw this in January, the kid in me did cartwheels. Most of my photos of January are the snow. You can see the pure childhood joy in my eyes in the pictures of me from this month. It was a new year, a new semester, and I was very hopeful for the upcoming year. My mom and I also saw Michelangelo's drawings at the Frist. Little did I know I'd be working there in just a few months!
February: The Month of My Birth
I turned 20. It seems weird still that my teenage years are over, but then again it feels like I've been in my twenties for a decade now. I've felt like a child at heart but sometimes felt like I was a bit of an old soul. Turning 20 solidified that old-soulness a bit, if that makes any sense. My parents decorated the house for me when I came home, complete with those foldable banners that say "Happy Birthday" and balloons and took me out to lunch. I felt very loved on my birthday and am thankful for that love I was shown. I also correctly guessed the score for the Super Bowl, only off by one point. How did I do this? I have no idea. I truly do not understand football or how the scoring goes. A birthday miracle, maybe! :p
March: The Month I Started Taking Care of Myself
I really began paying attention to myself this month. I decided to try and cut out sugary drinks and do a little bit of yoga every day. I failed often, but promised not to be hard on myself. I attribute a lot of this to Kate Hudson's book Pretty Happy. I read it nearly every day and began taking note of what I ate and how I felt. I've never been a fan of recording what I eat, it's a good way to keep track, but I found it made me feel terrible if I ate something sugary that day. Instead, I focused on my mental health and listened to how my body was reacting to what I filled it with. I cut out sodas during the week and only drank water/healthy juices and tried to eat vegetables every day. I tried to cut out social media time. I saw improvement almost immediately in how I felt. I went from drinking two Pepsis a day and feeling sluggish once I went to bed, to drinking waters or cranberry juice and feeling more vivacious and at peace throughout the day. I listened to the signs my body was giving me and it's probably one of the best things I've learned to do all year. Also during this month, I met a fellow who made me feel beautiful without telling me I was beautiful. He was a great friend and even though we don't talk anymore, he was a beautiful light in my life that I was happy to share a couple months of conversation with. I doubt you'll read this, but you inspired me and made me laugh a lot during that short time and I'm thankful for that. You gave me some joy in a time I felt kind of alone, so I'm appreciative for that.
April: The Month I Found My New Obsession
I had been taking a photography class since January, but in April I truly fell in love with 35mm photography. I found a new way to express myself. I took pictures upon pictures and spent most of my spring afternoons in the darkroom processing all my images. One of them actually was accepted into APSU's Student Show, my second year of being in it! I was thrilled. The smell of Subway always brings me back to this time, because nearly everyday I was in the darkroom I'd come back to our apartment late and I wasn't able to get food with my roommate like usual. My intake of Subway sandwiches during that period probably wasn't healthy, but I created some work I truly loved out of that time period. I also spent a lot of time outside during April. I was looking through my photos during that month and more than half of them are taken outdoors. (And I must've been in a maxi-dress craze as well, most of the photos with me, I'm wearing one. Haha!)
May: The Month of Events on Events on Events
I finished my sophomore year and moved all my stuff out of my apartment myself. (I may've spent a good 5 minutes trying to unhook a TV cable.) The first week of summer break, my family broke out of our comfort zone and went downtown to see Keith Urban. He had a free concert outside the Bridgestone Arena to celebrate his new album, Ripcord. Keith is a national treasure to our family. My sister graduated college, I attended her roommate's graduation party, complete with karaoke renditions of Pillow Talk by Zayn. My sister and I played in a tennis tournament and thought we were going to die because it was so hot.
June: The Month of Big Changes
This may've been the biggest turning point month of this year. I spent a good chunk of May looking for a job, and ended up receiving two in June. I volunteered at the Frist and became a sales associate at Cato. I actually should've named this, "The Month of Nerves." I worried enough this month to last my whole life. I worked a lot, a lot a lot. I went from never working to working almost every day. I know, that's what a job is, but with my nervous system, this was all new and it was freaking out. Working these two jobs really pushed me out of my comfort zone. I found it easier to talk to people because both jobs entailed me having to talk to people. I learned to deal with the public. I also attended CMA Fest for the first time, and got so nervous once I got there I accidentally ran in a fancy hotel just to find a bathroom. You know, just girly things. I ended up getting so hot during the Festival that I had to go sit underneath a sno-cone stand to cool down. I had a lot of fun but me and the heat are not friends. I also saw WEIRD AL FREAKING YANKOVIC for the third time. I won tickets on the radio and nearly screamed. I nervously told the radio man my full name when he asked for my name and said then proceeded "holy crap" on the radio and he laughed at me. He then asked for my zipcode, I told him the city I lived in instead. He then said, "your zipcode, babe" and I felt like such an idiot. But I got two free tickets out of the whole ordeal so I was stoked. I may have cried. I also got pulled over for the first time this month because I had a headlight out. I didn't realize you were supposed to turn your caution lights on if you were trying to find a well-lit place to pull over, so they called backup on me. It was so much fun. When the officer came to my car, he asked how I was and I nervously, overly-cheerfully answered, "I'm good, how are you!?" in my sales associate voice. He let me off with a warning since it was my first time being pulled over. What a month!
July: The Month of Sunshine Galore
A big portion of my July was spent outside. From the beach, to painting a shed at my Grandma's house, to playing with sparklers outside, it was a month spent doing things outdoors with my family. I also was in my second month of working as a sales associate, finally getting used to it and not wanting to cry every time I went into work. (I'm very emotional, I realize this, haha!) I spent a lot of late nights writing and drawing this month.
August: The Month of Even More Changes
My last month of summer, one spent feeling like I was being screwed over by people I thought I could trust. I won't get into details on here, I'd be happy to tell you later on. But those issues have made me into the person I am today. I learned a lot during this month. You can't trust every single person, and if something is wrong, tell someone about it. We celebrated my dad's birthday and my sister met Steve-O. She took my little drawing of him and had him sign it for me. It's proudly framed in my apartment right now. <3 I drew a lot of portraits. I was bright eyed and bushy tailed about the new year of school ahead of me.
September: The Month of Painting and Family
My painting class required us to be outside nearly every class period. We painted landscapes, still life, and even a protest. I learned so much about painting and my love for it was rekindled. This was another month spent outside, since the weather wasn't quite cold yet. My parents came up to school for Family Day, even though it rained and most of it was spent inside. We had a family reunion and walked down into my great-grandfather's farm and talked about some old memories. We met a cashier at Target who made us laugh so much, every time we go back we look to see if he's working. It was a very joyful month.
October: The Month of New Beginnings
October was a launching pad month for the end of the year, and I can see that full well now. I didn't mention it earlier, but once school started back, I was a little bummed out about some things that had happened to me personally. I let it bug me more than I should have. I let it affect my grades. I felt like I was losing control, and I told myself enough was enough. I began to buckle down and study. I did things to make me happy. I went and saw Frankie Ballard on campus, and have been in love with his raspy voice ever since. I also went with my childhood bestfriend, which made it even sweeter. I few more comfortable with my paintings. I wanted to do it all the time! I also got to show some of my work at a Soiree downtown Clarksville, the first time my work has been shown outside of campus. I was thrilled but super nervous. My professor was very helpful and I was encouraged by some of my peers in this new step. I spoke in front of a group of people and made them laugh. I look at pictures my mom took from that night (she is my paparazzi) and am still shocked it all happened. The most special moment is when a girl I had a class with nearly a year ago came up to me, grabbed my hands and told me how proud she was of me. She had driven me back to my dorm from the art building a year ago because it was late and she and my professor didn't want me walking back by myself. We didn't know each other then and was shocked someone would do that for me. I was overwhelmed by the love that was shown to me that night, and look back on it whenever I am feeling down.
November: The Month of Love
I wrote about this particular day in this post, which you can read if you would like more detail. That day stands out the most to me because it was when I realized I really need to shed the belief that everyone hates me. I needed to accept that it was all a mind game I was torturing myself with. I learned this month that I was capable of being an artist and more people like you than you think they do. I learned to focus on that. I went to my Grandma's house for Thanksgiving, and it's one of my favorite Thanksgivings to date. I got to go shopping with my Grandma, and I wish I could do that every single day. My dad, sister, and I went to Wahlburgers to eat dinner. It was delicious. I felt so much love during each of these things. I think I was probably the happiest in this month than any month of the year. My heart was overflowing.
December: The Month of Peace
December I tried focusing on my inner peace. I tried to cut out my social media time as much as I could. I tried focusing on more tangible things. Much of this was difficult, though. We got all our floors in the house redone and we weren't able to decorate for Christmas until after the 10th, when we usually do it as soon as December begins. Our furniture/etc was everywhere and it really messed with my psyche. Once everything was settled, I began to feel more stable. I was able to focus on Christmas. I began feeling lonely, but combated it with prayer and peaceful nights snuggled in bed with a cup of tea. I felt like the last month of my whirlwind year should be spent feeling thankful for all I had. I wanted my heart to be full of so much joy. Looking at it now, it truly was. I had my days, but most of the time I felt the joy of Christmas. I got to see family members. I got to smile, belly laugh, cry, and hug people I haven't seen in a while. It was a great month, and I can't wait to end it with even more joy.
I usually cry on Christmas Eve, because I don't want the year to end. I don't feel that way this year. I am ready to move forward. I'm ready to face 2017 with so much love that it's annoying. I want to start each day with a smile and a heart full of Jesus. I'm ready to get organized and start a new routine. I am sad that this year is over, but am so thrilled to start fresh.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Thank you for all the love, the laughs, the tears, the arguments, the joy, the sadness, the events, and the support that made this year unlike any I've had before. In just this year alone, you've clicked on my posts 1,360 times. Those are my combined views on posts just this year. That is insane. Thank you so much for reading, I plan to write more in the New Year. <3
From my favorite little dude to all you dudes, hope your Christmas was bright and your New Years is even brighter.
-Rachel xx
No comments:
Post a Comment