It may be cheesy to say, your kind words and encouragement is a reason that I continue writing/drawing. The main reason I do it is because it serves as an emotional release. (And probably the fact that I have to constantly keep my hands busy doing something, I have a hard time keeping them still, haha!) But in all seriousness, I truly appreciate your compliments and encouragement. A simple, "I loved this!" or a like on my writings make my heart so happy. I can't tell you how crazy it is for me to be doing something and realize someone out there is reading it, or even just skimming it. I don't try to create things just to receive feedback, but the feedback you all have given me is incredibly appreciated. There are some days where I'll write something out of desperation/loneliness, and receiving something like "I understand what you're going through," is beautiful. It makes this little creative mind feel like she's doing what she's supposed to be doing, if that makes sense?
I've said time and time again, especially recently- I've always loved making people happy/feel loved. I feel like the Lord put me on the Earth to do just that. I adore writing these blogs and creating art that may possibly touch people. It warms my heart and gives me motivation to push on.
I feel like I'm babbling! I hate that, haha! But seriously, just know that even though I sometimes have a hard head and have a hard time receiving compliments, I truly do appreciate your kind words and love. I plan on improving my hardheadedness towards compliments this coming year. Instead of shrugging them off as "they're just being nice, they feel bad for me," I'm going to try and fully accept them and take them to heart. <3 Be patient with me.
As much as I love pouring out my heart on here, in a way, I want to step back from it for a while. I still want to write about what's going on in my life and still want to be open about everything, but I also want to maybe keep some of my feelings to myself. I'm not keeping everything in, I know that isn't healthy. I'm not really sure how to adequately explain this. I'm hoping you understand what I'm getting at. I mentioned something similar to this back in October, I believe. In the new year, I want to stay off of social media more. I find that it often becomes detrimental to my mental health. (Not this blog or Facebook, per say. But I do need a break.) I feel like I say this a lot, and it probably sounds like I'm not keeping my word. But I tell you truthfully, I'm honestly trying my hardest. I have a shelf full of books I'd love to read and art I'd like to create rather than spending hours on here. I am okay, I feel like I have to say that for some reason. I am perfectly fine. I feel happy and hopeful for the new year. I am really hoping to connect with the world and my spiritual self rather than online. I really hope that makes sense.
I guess that's what I mean when I say I want to step back. I feel like I need to take a breath. A long, drawn out breath. I will still write. I will still be on here. But if there are long periods where I seem MIA, I'm probably still taking that breath. Or eating a cheeseburger.
So again, thank you for the love and continued support. I will still be writing and creating. (Actually, as I wrote this I just saw that Garrett Clayton liked my drawing of him. Happy New Years to me! And stuff like this makes me want to keep pushing. I want to create images of people for them to see, and hopefully see my adoration in them.) If I could get all of your addresses and send you each thank you cards I would. I'm terrible at expressing emotions in person, so that's why I rely heavily on this blog to express how I feel. Thank you so much. If you could see all the times I sit in my room feeling discouraged, then get a notification from one of you expressing kindness towards me, and it brightens my day. So thank you endlessly. Know I am here, like you all are there for me. And I hope you understand that I want to focus on myself in the new year, not in a selfish way, but in an accepting sort of way. I want to better myself, while still trying to be a light to others.
Be safe tonight if you're going out, and I hope you are hopeful for the year to come.
Once again, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for making this girl feel like she is doing exactly what she was meant to be doing.
:)
-Rachel xx
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